(4th of July with our neighbors and their adorable dogs!)
Well, friends and family, Ben and I have been at this for 12 weeks! I have seen frustration, anger, heartbreak, joy, love, bad days, blessings, miracles, good days, worry, saddness, growth and most of all peace. We never thought we would be here nor did I think that anything like this could happen to us. Obviously God had other plans. I can sit around and ask why...and I have many times but I have found that does not really get us anywhere. I have asked how much longer and that one always seems to get answered IN My TIME, TRUST IN ME, I AM IN CONTROL! It is sometimes so hard to believe and trust in at times but when I do life is much more peaceful! So everyday is the Lords, He is going to have His way!
I read the other day..."God's timing is not ours to command! If we do not start the fire with the first strike of our match we must try again! God does hear our prayer, but He may not answer it at the precise time we have appointed in our own minds. Instead He will reveal Himself to our seeking hearts, though not necessarily when and where we may expect. Therefore we have a need for perseverance and steadfast determination in our life of prayer!"
Oh there have been many times when I have commanded God's timing! I want Ben's healing now and I want to continue living out the desires God has put in Ben and my heart. But in the times that I command God's healing is when spot light turns to me and my selfish desires and I take my eyes off Jesus. I don't want that! I want my eyes to be on Jesus and what He has for Ben and I! The Lord hears me when I cry out to Ben, He sees my broken heart that is crumbled in a heap on His lap, He feels my pain and most of all He responds to my prayers. No, not always when I pray them but He has already sent an answer to them but at times it just takes a little longer to get to us! I press on, I persevere and I am determined in my heart to keep praying for the healing in Ben's body!
When Ben was in speech therapy yesterday we were asking him to do a few things. I was trying to think of things that he does on a regular basis and saluting came to mind. I asked Ben if he would show me how he salutes. He took his fingers and straightened them and slowly but surely began to raise his right arm. He got about half-way to his head and then let his arm down. I was proud of his effort and so I moved on and asked him to do something else. Ben was not ready to move on yet! He again straightened his fingers and raised his arm even higher then the last time. He was determined to get that arm up and salute fully! He got stuck about 3/4 of the way up and I helped raise his arm the rest of the way!! This is one thing that he know way to well to ever forget! Of course he was saluting to me but he will know one day how proud of him I am for finishing strong in that task. He is also making all his Ranger buddies and Army guys proud!!
He has been able to have more drinks of juice and I think this next week we are going to try him on a milkshake! I am sure that will be his best Thanksgiving gift ever!!
I have been a bit down the past few days because of all the seizure stuff that is taking place but his hospital team is determined to stop these seizures! Ben got 2 doses of an IV seizure med to hopefully stop the seizures. This med can be sedating and so that is why I was frustrated because it would get in the way of what he is to be doing. Once they get the seizures under control they can find the right medication that will keep them away and hopefully not interfere with his cognative abilities. Right now the seizures and meds are kind of holding him back from what he needs to be doing. Ben was doing amazing and taking big steps before they were detected. The docs goal is to get these under control and then get Ben on track where he was before!
I am praying for leaps and bounds of improvement for Ben and know that in God's timing He will heal His Ben!!
I am so blessed to have you all praying for my man! Your prayers do not go unheard!
Love you all!!