"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
Just two months shy of our 5th wedding anniversary we are living a life that we never expected to live. If it were up to Ben and I we would be living in North Carolina and Ben working with an elite military group, we would own a house, probably have a baby, I would be working part time in my dream job, in the PICU or NICU, traveling when Ben was home, doing fun things together, exploring and so many other things. This is what people so close to their 5th wedding anniversary should be doing...living and loving!
If someone had told me that we were going to be doing almost the exact opposite and also throw a brain injury into the mix I don't know if we would have believed them and we would probably never drive again!
Three years ago we almost lost our lives. We should have but God had other plans. I still wonder why and I still wonder why it wasn't me that was more seriously injured and not Ben. He did nothing to deserve this, neither did I but he is the elite soldier whom everyone respects and wanted to be. But then again when I tell him I wish I could switch places with him he reminds me that, "you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."
Would we do it again? Um no! I don't think if you asked anyone if they would re-live a traumatic event, lost a loved one, has gone through a major illness, lost a baby and so on if they would do it again would you get a yes answer. But, we don't have a say in the matter...it happened and we then have to decide what we are going to do with it.
So, this third "alive" anniversary...we are alive and we are greatful! We have the Lord and each other. I would have thought, and have prayed alot about this, that we would be further then where we are in Ben's recovery but that is not always for me to know. At times it is disappointing because Ben and I long for it so much! We would give up alot to have it. Ben only has potential to get better, something God gave to him and we are blessed for that!
Ben refuses to give up and that is another thing that keeps me going. You would think it was the other day but he continues to be the man of the house in that way...he doesn't want to fail his wife and will keep going until he knows he has done all he can. The LORD has given him that courage and determination! I of course draw my strength from the Lord but I draw some of it from Ben as well. He really inspires me to get out of bed every morning...even if it is way to early!
I was getting ready the other day and was overwhelmed by all the blessings God has given to us. Everything from finances, smooth transitions, situations solved, certain people in our life and so on. I realized that we have ALOT! I was asking God why He had blessed us so much in life? Yes, it is not the 100% healing in this moment but He has chosen to bless us in other ways. Why us? Why me when I have not always been the most faithful to HIM and have not always been the one thanking and praising...and sometimes just asking! He softly said to my heart that it's not always about being faithful but it is the fact that He loves us and He takes care of His children. He said, no I have not healed Ben 100%, the time has not yet come for that yet, but I can bless you in other ways. I can be near you and show you that I am here, I care and I see your heart and what you are going through.
This blessed me in a huge way. We are so undeserving but yet God still thinks we deserve!
So, the above saying in the photo...AWAKE, ALIVE, BLESSED...that is Ben and I. We woke up this morning, 3 years after a day when we could have been gone, we are very much alive and kicking, and we are truly blessed by the Lord.
Life still stinks at times and is incredibly hard but to have those three words before me brings it back to what God has done. Yes, there are days when Ben and I want to give up, were done, finished...but we have to go back to what God has done. Hard yes!! Worth remembering, yes!
We look forward to what God has for us in this new year. We pray for more healing, we pray for more blessings, we pray for more love for our God, we pray for more love for each other, we pray many people will come to know Jesus and we pray that this will just be an amazing year!
Thank you for continuing to stick with us and pray for us. That is apart of the many blessings in our lives! Prayer is powerful and it helps! We are honored to have you in our lives and are grateful for each and every one of y'all!!
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." JK Rowling