Monday, August 27, 2012

another year...


"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
Just two months shy of our 5th wedding anniversary we are living a life that we never expected to live. If it were up to Ben and I we would be living in North Carolina and Ben working with an elite military group, we would own a house, probably have a baby, I would be working part time in my dream job, in the PICU or NICU, traveling when Ben was home, doing fun things together, exploring and so many other things. This is what people so close to their 5th wedding anniversary should be and loving!
If someone had told me that we were going to be doing almost the exact opposite and also throw a brain injury into the mix I don't know if we would have believed them and we would probably never drive again!
Three years ago we almost lost our lives. We should have but God had other plans. I still wonder why and I still wonder why it wasn't me that was more seriously injured and not Ben. He did nothing to deserve this, neither did I but he is the elite soldier whom everyone respects and wanted to be. But then again when I tell him I wish I could switch places with him he reminds me that, "you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."
Would we do it again? Um no! I don't think if you asked anyone if they would re-live a traumatic event, lost a loved one, has gone through a major illness, lost a baby and so on if they would do it again would you get a yes answer. But, we don't have a say in the happened and we then have to decide what we are going to do with it.
So, this third "alive" anniversary...we are alive and we are greatful! We have the Lord and each other. I would have thought, and have prayed alot about this, that we would be further then where we are in Ben's recovery but that is not always for me to know. At times it is disappointing because Ben and I long for it so much! We would give up alot to have it. Ben only has potential to get better, something God gave to him and we are blessed for that!
Ben refuses to give up and that is another thing that keeps me going. You would think it was the other day but he continues to be the man of the house in that way...he doesn't want to fail his wife and will keep going until he knows he has done all he can. The LORD has given him that courage and determination! I of course draw my strength from the Lord but I draw some of it from Ben as well. He really inspires me to get out of bed every morning...even if it is way to early!
I was getting  ready the other day and was overwhelmed by all the blessings God has given to us. Everything from finances, smooth transitions, situations solved, certain people in our life and so on. I realized that we have ALOT! I was asking God why He had blessed us so much in life? Yes, it is not the 100% healing in this moment but He has chosen to bless us in other ways. Why us? Why me when I have not always been the most faithful to HIM and have not always been the one thanking and praising...and sometimes just asking! He softly said to my heart that it's not always about being faithful but it is the fact that He loves us and He takes care of His children. He said, no I have not healed Ben 100%, the time has not yet come for that yet, but I can bless you in other ways. I can be near you and show you that I am here, I care and I see your heart and what you are going through.
This blessed me in a huge way. We are so undeserving but yet God still thinks we deserve!
So, the above saying in the photo...AWAKE, ALIVE, BLESSED...that is Ben and I. We woke up this morning, 3 years after a day when we could have been gone, we are very much alive and kicking, and we are truly blessed by the Lord.
Life still stinks at times and is incredibly hard but to have those three words before me brings it back to what God has done. Yes, there are days when Ben and I want to give up, were done, finished...but we have to go back to what God has done. Hard yes!! Worth remembering, yes!
We look forward to what God has for us in this new year. We pray for more healing, we pray for more blessings, we pray for more love for our God, we pray for more love for each other, we pray many people will come to know Jesus and we pray that this will just be an amazing year!
Thank you for continuing to stick with us and pray for us. That is apart of the many blessings in our lives! Prayer is powerful and it helps! We are honored to have you in our lives and are grateful for each and every one of y'all!!

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." JK Rowling


Vicky said...

You two, Your relationship, Your love for each other, and Your faith and total reliance on God is so moving. Whenever I read a post from you, it truly is a reminder of how great our God is. I pray many blessings over your lives!

Mama E said...

Always remember there are those of us across the country who you don't know, but who have stumbled across your blog long ago (I can't even remember how I found it anymore!) that your strength as a couple and specifically your strength as a WIFE serve as an inspiration. Many prayers sent to you and Ben! "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Elizabeth said...

Your story is so inspiring. I have been struggling a lot the past few weeks with different things, and yet I do realize how BLESSED I am with all I have in life, and yet I find myself dwelling on the little things that I do not have. Today while I was having a pity party for myself, this song came to mind and it hit home. After reading your post, it reminded me of you as well. You both with be in my prayers. God Bless.

Caroline said...

I love that quote.

Life is just crazy right? Never what it should have been.

Holding you guys in our hearts today - and always

B. Wilson said...

You're fab, my friend.

This life is nothing we planned, that's for sure. But with grace and love and blessings, we have to move forward.

That quote at the end was one I'd never seen before... something so very true for my own life as well. Would I go through it again? Nope, just like you said. But here we are.

Blessing in knowing each year from the day that changed everything is getting easier and better, but yeah. Hard.

JG said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. We're coming up on our 5 year anniversary too and that might be why this hit home particularly today. I don't know why God chooses to work the way He does but I can say that, for me, the journey He has led you on and your response to it had encouraged me and spoken to me about true faith when you can't see the next step. May God continue to bless your marriage for another 5 years and another 50 years. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Katie & Ben,
Congrats on your 5th wedding anniversary with the difficult detour now already 3 years behind you. You both look great in the photos. Ben shows a lot of spunk and you can be proud of his will power. Who knows, had he not been a trained military guy, where he would have gotten stuck...
Receive a tight hug and wishing you all the best for the coming year. More uphill and more towards complete healing.

Wanda said...

Praying for you all!

molly june. said...

i thought about you all day yesterday. i can't even fathom the strength it takes to do what you two do day in & day out. i know you hear it all the time, but you are SO inspiring to all of us. God's JOY oozes out of your life, even when your crying out in hurt & pain. i love seeing all of your instagrams every are a true testament to God's power & strength in our weakness. Ben is so lucky to have you. and you are lucky to have him.

still praying for you & with you.
love you!

Anonymous said...

Dear One, BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) starts 12 September. We will bw studying Genesis. I am listening to teachings on Genesis right now to get a sort of head start. One thing I heard this morning that blessed me was "THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO THAT WILL MAKE GOD LOVE US MORE, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO THAT WILL MAKE GOD LOVE US LESS". It is kind of like what you said about Father just blessing us because He WANTS to NOT because we "deserve" it. I have a real issue with the word deserve anyway, if I (any of us, for that matter) got what we deserved, we would be in hell. That's the only thing I deserve.
My dear, BLESSINGS to you and Ben on both anniversaries. Both are milestones in your life. Ilove you, Marion

A. B. said...

I wish I knew you guys in real life. I have been reading your blog for a couple of years now. I don't even remember how I stumbled across it. You are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing the whisperings of God to your heart. They go from your heart to mine and I feel like he is talking to me too. May God continue to bless and uplift you.

Heather said...

you are quite a lady. I am sure you have heard this many times, but I can't begin to think of how many lives you have impacted through your story, your faith, and your love for your husband.

Congratulations and happy alive anniversary! You will both continue to do great things, and we all look fwd to being inspired. Praying for you.

Diane P said...

Good Morning Ben and Kate,
After reading your blog, it reminded me of what I was reading this morning in Job. Bad things happen because we live in a broken world, Though God allows tragic things to happen, he has the power to turn it around for our good(Roman 8:28)God uses suffering in our lives to teach us faith and dependence on him. His ultimate goal is not that we live an easy life but that we grow closer to him and become more like him. We don't understand why God allows these things to happen in our lives, but we can be sure that he is all-powerful and knows what he is doing. Bless you today.