With Me all things are possible. There is nothing to hard for Me. Your times are in My hands. You are My child. You please Me with your faith. Nothing that is good will be witheld from you!
You have seen some of my posts that include Ben working on the treadmill! Well, I looked back at the first time he went on up until this last week and boy oh boy he has come so far!!
Palo Alto VA, CA -
November 3 - 4 minutes
November 18 - 10 minutes
February 2 - 13 minutes.break.10 minutes
February 4 - 17 minutes.break.13 minutes
February 7 - 20 minutes.break.13 minutes
That is 4 minutes to 33 minutes folks!! There was a huge chunk of time in there that he wasn't even on the treadmill...almost a total of two months!
He still has a harness around his waist to help support his upper body (although he is getting much stronger) and they have to make sure his feet don't cross over but the walking is all him! When I get some more photos and footage I will for sure be posting! He is just doing so well and every time he beats his time he says, "oh, that is awesome!"
The weekend was slow, calm, resting, emotional and a loss for the Steelers!
Saturday Ben had therapy in the morning. I think that was the day that he worked on bathtub transfers. He transfered to a shower chair and then put his feet in the tub! They said they barely had to help him at all...just a bit on the transfer! Ben was probably wishing they would fill it up so he could loosen up his muscles...next time! :) The rest of the day was just full of relaxing. It was raining out and Ben said he didn't want to go out in the rain so we stayed at the hospital and snuggled and watched movies! The fire fighters came by and chatted with us for a bit! Ben really likes when they come because they "scuff" each other up! Rangers vs firefighters!
Sunday I was able to go to church again! It felt so good! I got back to Ben who was in the dining area. I got there and I asked him if I was in trouble and he said yes! I asked him why and he said, "you are late!" Ha, he is funny and it was true, I was much later then normal!
Later that day he had an accident and that is where the emotion came in! He was standing at the side of the bed and holding on to the side rail. He does this all the time but this time he started swaying back and forth. I asked him to please stand still but he wouldn't! I didn't want him to fall so I raised my voice at him and asked him a little more harshly to stand still!! He didn't so I just continued on with getting him cleaned up but was brewing inside!
When we were done I lost it! I said sorry over and over and was crying my eyes out! Yes, I am human and we are a married couple but he didn't need that from me!
This is how it went down...
I was crying and saying sorry over and over again! Ben reached for me and said, "don't cry, it is ok, it is not your fault!" I told him it wasn't his fault either. I sat on his lap and when I did he gave me a hug and then rubbed my back. All the while saying, "it is ok, I am here!" I told him I am trying to be a good wife and take care of him. Ben said, "you are a good wife." Me...more tears. Ben then went on to say, "who would have cleaned me up? No one helps clean me like you do." Me=more tears and I told him thank you!
Me- "I am so sorry that this happened to you. I just want you to get better. I just want to go home with you!' Ben looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I will get better." Me- "how do you know?" Ben-"I can feel it!" Me-"I want you to get better so bad!" Ben-"I will get better, just you watch, I will get better! Me-"I love you!" Ben-"I feel loved!" Me-"How?" Ben-"the way you are looking at me know, how you take care of me-you love me!" Me-"yes I do love you, with my whole heart!" Me-"where would I be with out you?" Ben, "not very far!"
So, it was a rough time but it was a good time! The Lord was in that room and right there with us. He knew what Ben needed and he knew what I needed. It was a special time for both of us. I know Ben is fighting to say more and to be there more for me but his body and brain hold him back! How frustrating that must be...I cannot even imagine! I see it but can never know how it feels. I pray for him daily, that Ben break free from the things that are holding him back! He works so hard and gets to move forward but not in the way that he wants to see it.
I gave up asking why months ago but then I moved on to the question of when is it going to end? Another question that I may never have the answer to. I have never shared that question with Ben but in the last few weeks Ben has been saying that he is worried because he doesn't know when this is going to end. Also just asking me when this is going to be done with! I don't have answers for him...the only thing I can do is lead him to scriptures. Not to worry, not to be anxious, God is holding us in His hands, He has a plan for us, His ways are higher then ours and He is able! I ask Ben to say some of them as well and then he seems to be more relaxed.
The rest of Sunday went really well. We went to a pre Super Bowl party at 2pm which had some tasty food! We then went back to Ben's room for snuggles, a movie and a nap! Just what Ben and I needed! I stayed with Ben til about 8:30...way past his bedtime but I just couldn't leave! I wanted to stay with him all night but he said he was not giving me anymore room on the bed...that was not going to work for me!
Today was a great day with his new treadmill time! Ben did really well in this therapies like usual! He did some wii bowling and kept saying BOOOO to the therapist he was playing with when she got spares and strikes! HA...he still has his competative spirit! While he was in therapy this afternoon I ran to the bookstore and got him a big print Bible. He got some money for his birthday and we thought it would be something good to buy! He has no visual issues but sometimes when he reads the words get jumbled so the big print will help! He loves being the man and reading the Bible to me!
Last Friday Ben made me a salad...
...it was AMAZING!!!
Saying of Ben...
Earlier today Ben was smacking and licking his lips! Thinking they may be dry I asked him if he needed chapstick. He said, "yes, but I was getting my lips ready for kisses!" He of course got some!