Bare with me as I take ya'll into my feelings and emotions for a bit! As you know we are headed up to WA for Ben to be in a rehab hospital there! I am super excited to be closer to family and friends! Ben and I have been on this journey for almost 5 months and I have had amazing people beside me...but I have missed and need my family! The Lord has made me a very strong person but there are times in your life when you just need your family and you need to be near them. In the midst of my happiness to return I am so sad. Ben and I had always planned on going back to WA but these circumstances are very different than what we had planned. I want to be happy but at the same time we are going back for VERY different reasons. I wanted Ben to take me home and lead us as a family to the place where we wanted to live! I want to trade places with Ben sometimes so that he can lead us as a family. I know that the man is to be the security for his wife and they are to lead us. In this time I have found security in Jesus and He has given me the ability to lead our lil family along this journey. That doesn't mean that at times I want to do it. There have been times when I don't want to make decisions anymore because I don't have Ben to give his opinion or to lead us in a certain direction. I do really believe that the Lord is leading us to WA though because He has opened every door along the way. I have not had to battle this choice because Jesus has made a way!
I long to have Ben back the way he was before the accident. My heart hurts because I cannot be with him every moment of the day, he can not hold me like he did, I cannot have a conversation with him, I cannot even go on a date with him in a way that we would want to. But in all of my hurt the Lord has really showed me how to love my man more....even if it is shaving his handsome face! I know Ben still has a deep love for me just in the way that he looks at me with the big ole hazel eyes. Still at times I just want to be with him and love on him and have things like they were!
God has my heart too. I know He wraps His arms around me when I need it most and He is there to put a song of worship in my head when I need to sing!
I know that Ben is dying to say something! I thought about it the other day...what if I had to walk around all day without saying one word. What if in that day I could not give hand gestures, smile back to those who are smiling at me, move my body in a way that I normally did. Wow, what Ben is going through I cannot fathom...I have no room to complain what I am going through! He is trapped in a body that he doesn't even know! I asked him the other day if He really believes in Jesus (I already knew his answer) and he gave me one finger for yes and then I asked Ben if he truly believed that Jesus could heal him from this brain injury and he gave another one finger for yes. My heart swelled! I just sat there and encouraged him to pray for his healing! I know that Ben has had several and may I point out several conversations with the Lord but I just encouraged him to continually pray for his healing! I told him that he has a whole world of people praying for him and that he can join right in and pray with us! The look on his face in that moment of time was so peaceful! I know Jesus lives in my man's heart and Ben is resting in His arms!
We will fight this fight the whole way through! Ben and I will always give all the glory to Jesus! I pray that the first words out of Ben's mouth are words of praises...ok he can throw an I love you in there soon after too! :)
Our journey continues on Thursday! We both will be flying out on a medical aircraft to WA. I know I said I was not going to give a date but we really need your prayers during this time! I don't have an exact time yet but it will for sure be on Thursday. Please respect Ben and I as we will need to get adjusted to new things there. Ben will be exausted by the time we get in and he and I will need some time to chill out. I am asking that if you want to visit you please text or e-mail me. If I don't respond please do not take it the wrong way....just know that we need this time (and I don't know how long it will be) for Ben to get adjusted.
What we really need is your continual prayers for this very emotional, crazy, stressful, full of new adventure time! Pray for this time that it will bring new beginnings to Ben's healing, peace to my heart, confidence that I have made the right choice and just an overall contentment!
Thank you for your faithful prayers that you have already been praying! It means so much to Ben and I!
Once we get situated I will post our new address. You can continue to post your comments and if you don't have the ability to do that you can e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org
LOVE YOU ALL!!!