be still and know....

….that I am God. This is what I was thinking of when I was taking a shower this morning. Tears were in my eyes during this time and I have come to like crying in the shower because the tears are all washed away. I have heard this song and scripture over and over in my life. Most times it brings me peace but this time it brought questions.
I found myself asking, “Lord, how can I be still…
when my man, Your son has been in the for almost a year,
when the life that I thought I was living for You came to a halt and was turned upside down and around,
dreams to have babies are not in the picture right now,
when life feels like crap because the man you gave to me is suffering,
in everyday that Ben works so hard he doesn’t get rewarded in the way that he needs to be,
when I yearn for Ben to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be ok,
that when I see a nurse everyday and wish that I could be back to work doing what I love,
people around disappoint and let us down,
when I am exhausted spiritually, physically and emotionally,
did I mention that Ben (and me) have been in a hospital 11 months…..

Then I go and look at the original words of this old hymn and scripture and this is what they say…
{Hymn} Be still and know that I am God, be still and know that I am God, be still and know that I am God.
I am the Lord that healeth thee, I am the Lord that healeth thee,
I am the Lord that healeth thee.
In thee, O Lord, I put my trust, In thee, O Lord,
I put my trust, In thee, O Lord, I put my trust.

“Be still and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.
Psalm 46:10
“So as your world crumbles around you, the call from Scripture is: don’t flinch in faith in God. Stand still- not because of a self-made confidence, not because you are the most composed person in the face of disaster, not because “you’ve seen it all.” Be still because of what you know about God. It is “God’s past” that provides calm for “our future.” Know that he is God! Know it, not merely intellectually, but practically, spiritually, and emotionally. He is your God. He is the ruler of kingdoms of this earth and the all-powerful Creator of the Universe. If you are the last man or woman standing, be still. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth do change” (Psalm 46:1-2a). Hallelujah!”

At times it is not easy for me to be still, to be patient, to wait it out….God has put it in me to be compassionate, to fix things, to be organized with my time, be a scheduler, humble….but be still and wait and build my faith! I try so hard but sometimes it gets the best of me! I thought I had learned patience and how to be still before the accident but oh was I ever wrong! I am learning it and in a whole new way! I do know that He is God, He controls what happens and He is where I put all of my faith and hope! Just a little look into my heart and what I have been thinking today!

Ben quote of the day (when Ben using the restroom and me checking on him), "This place sucks." Me-what place? The bathroom or the hospital? Ben-"the hospital!" can you tell this man wants to get home??