Tuesday, August 3, 2010

be still and know....


….that I am God. This is what I was thinking of when I was taking a shower this morning. Tears were in my eyes during this time and I have come to like crying in the shower because the tears are all washed away. I have heard this song and scripture over and over in my life. Most times it brings me peace but this time it brought questions.
I found myself asking, “Lord, how can I be still…
when my man, Your son has been in the for almost a year,
when the life that I thought I was living for You came to a halt and was turned upside down and around,
dreams to have babies are not in the picture right now,
when life feels like crap because the man you gave to me is suffering,
in everyday that Ben works so hard he doesn’t get rewarded in the way that he needs to be,
when I yearn for Ben to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be ok,
that when I see a nurse everyday and wish that I could be back to work doing what I love,
people around disappoint and let us down,
when I am exhausted spiritually, physically and emotionally,
did I mention that Ben (and me) have been in a hospital 11 months…..

Then I go and look at the original words of this old hymn and scripture and this is what they say…
{Hymn} Be still and know that I am God, be still and know that I am God, be still and know that I am God.
I am the Lord that healeth thee, I am the Lord that healeth thee,
I am the Lord that healeth thee.
In thee, O Lord, I put my trust, In thee, O Lord,
I put my trust, In thee, O Lord, I put my trust.

“Be still and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.
Psalm 46:10
“So as your world crumbles around you, the call from Scripture is: don’t flinch in faith in God. Stand still- not because of a self-made confidence, not because you are the most composed person in the face of disaster, not because “you’ve seen it all.” Be still because of what you know about God. It is “God’s past” that provides calm for “our future.” Know that he is God! Know it, not merely intellectually, but practically, spiritually, and emotionally. He is your God. He is the ruler of kingdoms of this earth and the all-powerful Creator of the Universe. If you are the last man or woman standing, be still. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth do change” (Psalm 46:1-2a). Hallelujah!”

At times it is not easy for me to be still, to be patient, to wait it out….God has put it in me to be compassionate, to fix things, to be organized with my time, be a scheduler, humble….but be still and wait and build my faith! I try so hard but sometimes it gets the best of me! I thought I had learned patience and how to be still before the accident but oh was I ever wrong! I am learning it and in a whole new way! I do know that He is God, He controls what happens and He is where I put all of my faith and hope! Just a little look into my heart and what I have been thinking today!

Ben quote of the day (when Ben using the restroom and me checking on him), "This place sucks." Me-what place? The bathroom or the hospital? Ben-"the hospital!" can you tell this man wants to get home??

14 comments:

Shauna said...

Praying for you!

molly june. said...

oh, katie. you are SO strong. so faithful. so encouraging to me. & God is SO strong in you. praying for you right this very second. that God will continue to fill in where you lack. that he will continue to cover you & ben. praying for your miracle! he loves you SO much! xo.

The Adventurous Gang =) said...

Praying for you. My dad has always told me that God is big enough to handle it when we are crying out, angry, hurting, the whys and so forth. Your bog inspires me to be stronger in my faith. May God bless you today with peace & strength!!!!

Anonymous said...

My Friend, Thank you for your words. I have had some opportunities these last few day. I KNOW Father is in control, but I needed help standing. Your words have provided that help. I love you and am grateful for your and Ben's sharing your walk with me. Marion

marlece said...

love your vulnerablity in this post Katie. It spurs us on to keep praying. You are an amazing girl...through it all, through it all, we learn to trust in Jesus, we learn to trust in God...through it all, through it all we learn to depend upon His word...have a great day Katie.

Brenda said...

Your words came at me right when I needed them in my life for my situations! Amazing how God works things like that out. Thanks for the encouragement when you didn't even know I needed it!

Bev said...

I read this by Warren Wiersbe in my morning devotions today and thought I'd share it. You are to be admired for your strength in time of pain...
"Pain purifies. Pain draws the Christian closer to Christ. God does not promise to remove our pain, or even to relieve our pain; but He does promise to transform it and use it for His eternal purposes."
Go ahead and let the tears flow, knowing they are being washed away as you are being still...

Taryn said...

God is for you! I pray for joy, peace and patience as you are waiting on Him. I was recently encouraged by Palm 23 that has we wait on God, as He makes us lie down, we dwell in green pastures. To me this means that there can be joy, patience and peace in the process. Love you! Praying for God's supernatural peace, patience and joy for you this week.

Taryn said...

God is for you! I pray for joy, peace and patience as you are waiting on Him. I was recently encouraged by Palm 23 that has we wait on God, as He makes us lie down, we dwell in green pastures. To me this means that there can be joy, patience and peace in the process. Love you! Praying for God's supernatural peace, patience and joy for you this week.

Candice said...

What a trying journey! I will say extra prayers for you today.

Big Fat Mama said...

Last weekend Jennifer Rothchild was our guest speaker at church. She went blind at age 15. She started speaking to us and the first words she said were, "Is it well...with your soul?"

She talked about her dreams of being an artist when she was a teenager, and then God slowly allowed her sight to be taken away, until she was completely blind. She talked about how He closed one door and opened another. How even though her fears are so real and heavy...even still after all these years later...that her faith is stronger and God's Word and presence is with her.

How her circumstance doesn't define her but refines her. That He will carry her through the hardships and difficulties.

She has a book and a c.d. and you would be blessed if you ever heard her testimony.

She talked about how she was going to go to college, August 14th, and the day before she left she became so scared about going to college not being able to see. Her fear gripped her. She said to us, "some of you are scared and it's August 13th for you." But her mom told her to go to college and if she didn't like it she could come home after 2 weeks. The first week she met a boy and called her mom and told her she was staying. She is still married to that boy she met that day. If we hang in there and perservere we will be blessed and God will reveal His plans.

Katie...hang in there. God is near. The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands. Psalm 138:8

I will be praying for you tonight that God will strengthen you and comfort you.
Big Fat Mama

Thoughts from Debra said...

People you will never meet, all over the world, are praying for you and Ben. I know we are here in Georgia! I picked up your link on my daughter's blog and have heard your stories and successes from her. God is with you where you are. He is sitting with Ben. His purpose will be a blessing, the center jewel on your crown. I admire you for your strength and loving devotion. May he give you power to gte through these days!

Nicole said...

you are an amazing and strong person... praying for you and ben.

MelissaFraser said...

I came upon your blog after my brother's buddy's wife died of breast cancer...& now you are top of my prayer list. I'm in WA--you are lifted up often, know that! God is good.