Prayer and Fasting...August 27-29, 2010

A Battle to Fight….
“Christ draws the enemy out, exposes him for what he is, and shames him in front of everyone! The Lord is a gentleman??? Not if you’re in the service of his enemy! God has a battle to fight, and the battle is for our freedom (and in this case Ben’s mind!”) The war horse, the stallion, embodies the fierce hear of his Maker. And so do we; every man is a “stem of that victorious stock! Jesus works with wood, commands the loyalty of dockworkers. He is the Lord of hosts, the captain of angel armies! No question about it…there is something fierce in the heart of God!” John Eldredge
God calls us to have the mind of Christ! He also calls us to be like him! So, if Jesus has proved to us that He is a fighter, He moves forward, He is courageous, He is strong, He is loving, He is passion….we need to fight to be the same! No, we cannot be God but we are called to follow Him and line our lives up to His. He also calls us to fight the battle of the mind. The enemy tries to get that too. He wants our mind and our hearts and will try everything in his power to take our minds and hearts off of Jesus Himself!

This is where I start in my prayer requests going into this fast! The battle to fight for the mind!
Ben’s mind –
Spiritual – the enemy needs to be shut down in trying to win Ben’s mind! Ben is fighting depression right now. Depression in a brain injury is both good and bad. Good in that Ben is more aware of what is going on and his surroundings. Bad in the fact that some days he is down and tired!
Pray that Ben, as a man of God, think clearly, have the mind of Christ, know that he is getting better, continue forward and be encouraged by our Jesus that He is still in the healing process.
Pray that Ben will not feel or be defeated! Pray he can say that this brain injury cannot defeat him and will not dictate his future and all that he can do!
“For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Eph 6:12
Physical – pray for continued healing in Ben’s physical brain! His brain injury is one of the worst that you can get! He had swelling and damage to both sides of his brain so each side cannot even help the other side out, shearing to his white and gray matter, injury deep and almost to the brain stem, and the initial swelling and bleeding early on in his recovery. This injury has left him with short-term memory issues, problem solving, speech, body movements, sleep and so MANY other things that he is fighting!
Pray for healing to his brain in the physical aspects of it. It was once told to us that the brain is like the conductor of music. It brings all the parts of the brain together so that they work as one. Ben’s brain is off tune right now but we know the TRUE conductor and that is Jesus! He is the one that is fine tuning Ben’s brain and healing it!
Emotional – Ben is unable to remember anything about the accident or how far he has come along the way. We can tell him but since he has issues with short-term memory he easily forgets what he has accomplished. To him, he has been in the hospital forever and not getting anywhere. It is frustrating to him! I can kind of compare it to someone who is trying to lose weight….you try and try and try! You try different methods, diets, work out programs and nothing works….Ben has tried them all and they are working to us because we see it and remember it. To Ben, he is stuck in it!
Pray against frustrations, complacency, giving up and losing his will to fight on!

My mind –
Spiritual – I wrestle with my mind just as much as Ben does but in a different way. Just as the there is a battle for Ben’s mind there is for mine as well. Discouragement, hopelessness, loneliness, faithlessness, unlovedness (not a word but that is what I came up with), not good enough, not strong enough, future thoughts….these all have been something that have gone through my mind and things I constantly battle. I want Jesus to be in control of my mind and my thoughts!
Physical – this area obviously is not as big as Ben’s! My physical needs for the mind would be rest and sleep! Sleep was never an issue until coming here! I am asleep, then awake, asleep, then awake! Some nights are better than others. Some of it is choices that I make but for the majority of it I don’t get good sleep!
Emotional– this subject could take up a few pages! My emotions on some days can be very calm and then other days all over the place! These mind emotions range from “Lord, what the heck are you doing,” “ I don’t get why you chose us and why You have us here”, “I want babies and a home and I cannot have that right now,” “Lord, I know you have us in Your hands,” “I am having a great day,” “I am so in love with my man,” and “the joy of the Lord is my strength!” My heart longs to have Ben back to me like he was before the accident. The way that he was able to love me and be with me all the time. The other part is that I have found a new and greater way to fall more in love with Ben. Most people do not get to experience this in a way that we have! Each day is VERY, VERY hard to live though but with Jesus and Ben it is made easier!
Another thing that I am fighting emotionally is jealousy. This is hard to fight against. So many people are living out their dreams right now of having a home, working their dream job, having babies, traveling with their men and families. I don’t have any of those things….not even a home to return to. These are all dreams and desires of my heart but things that I cannot have now! I don’t want to have a jealous heart! I don’t want it to eat away at me. Jesus tells me….for such a time as this! That simple phrase has a lot all wrapped up into it!

Ben and I as a couple –
I desire for Jesus to use us in whatever way He wants to, but of course at the same time I ask Him to hurry it on up with the healing!
Pray that Jesus continues to grow us as a couple. That our love for each other would grow deeper and deeper. Pray that I give Ben what he needs every moment that I am with him. Pray that Ben can give me what I need even if he cannot do it right now in the physical, spiritual or emotional.
Pray that we get deeper in our walk with the Lord. That I read the Bible over my man and that it not only minister to me but to Ben as well.
We said vows that said we would honor and respect each other until death do us part! That is our commitment and we will both stand by our commitment! The thought of already losing my Ben one time in the car accident breaks my heart…so yes, I will be with him forever!

Future –
I wish I could tell you what our future holds but I cannot! I thought that we had a time line but I no longer believe in time lines but goal! Obviously we are on God’s time line and what He has for us. Does it differ from what I had in mind…why yes it does! Do I believe that He has a future for us, YES!
Please pray for us in making future decisions! Some of those would be where we go next from here, when we go back to WA, what rehab facilities, where God wants us to live, where to have a home in WA, when to think about babies, when to go back to work (for both of us) and what Jesus has planned for us! WE need to seek Jesus every step of the way but decisions still need to be made and thought out!

Physical healing for Ben –
These have been mentioned before but I want to list them again! The ultimate prayer request is 100% healing for Ben’s body and brain!! This is my biggest request to Jesus and it is up to Him on how He decides to fulfill it!
Prayer Requests:
1. Memory, Ben's short term memory is most affected! Pray that he retains things and that then stick!
2. Apraxia, every brain injured enemy, is people who have it find it difficult or impossible to make certain motor movements, even though their muscles are normal. Ben's brain screams DO IT and his body will not! Pray that these connections will be made and that his body will respond to what his brain asks! This goes for his speech as well!
3. Muscle tone! This is another thing that holds Ben back from moving forward in his ability to do things and take care of himself! When he goes to do something, especially with his arms, they tighten up!
4. Speech...still has weak tongue and lip muscles. Also, pray that Ben starts to instigate and involve himself in conversations. Also able to speak and make his needs known!
5. Botox to the neck! Ben got this done on today. Please pray that it will do it't job to relax his neck muscles so that he can hold it straight and upright. Also that it will NOT affect his swallow or speech!
6. Pray against discouragement for both Ben and I! It is easy to get sucked into this and I don’t want to have it in my life or Ben’s either. It is very easy to get discouraged at things not going fast…I want to be joyful in the moment!
7. Wisdom and direction for both Ben and I to know what our next step in this journey is going to be! May Jesus open the doors that need to be opened and close shut all the others!!
8. 100% healing for Ben!

I don’t want to “float” through this journey God has put us on. I want to be taught by Jesus, I want to be open to Jesus! I want to feel the emotions of it all and not be shut down to it all and just glide on through. One of the biggest things I fear about this the most is that we get to the other side of this journey and I am the same person!

I know this is a hefty list but they are the requests that are the deepest to me. I am showing ya'll a bit more into my heart and mind through it all. Please consider fasting and praying with me!
Thank you for your prayers, fasting, support and love! Blessings to you all!!