Saturday, March 27, 2010
7 months ago...
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.
Yes folks today marks our 7 month mark! Wow, I never thought so much could take place in 7 months! An accident, holidays, trips back to WA, family and friends coming to visit, move to WA, be around family, move to CA and so much more all wrapped up in this short yet seems so long amount of time! God has also done alot in our lives during this time! He continues to heal Ben, work in my heart, bring peace, bring thankfulness, surround us with wonderful people, bless us way beyond what we deserve, love us even when I don't want to love Him, and so many more things! Jesus has been faithful to us and has shown us so much love.
I still have bouts of thoughts and emotions that come my way! I still have the question of not so much why but how much longer Lord are you going to have us on this journey? I wonder all the time why He would allow this to happen to us. We serve Him, we serve others, Ben serves his country and gives selflessly to all of us...why pick us?? Oh that question lags on but for some reason when it comes to me over and over I never have an answer but I always have peace. I don't know sometimes what I would rather have...answers or peace? I think to myself, God, you did not have me wait 27 years to get married and wait to have babies and build a life as a couple ot live it in a restricted way of wheel chairs and yes/no answers with fingers! But this is what is now. Do I like it everyday...heck no, but when Ben and I are laying beside each other and he lays his head on my shoulder or gives me big lip kisses then that day it is worth it! I still have the faith and believe that Jesus is going to heal our Ben 100%...but it has to be in His timing.
I went to the beah today for some me time and time to just be with Jesus. I sat in the sun against some rocks and sang a few familiar songs and just asked for Him to speak to me. I was able to write down a few things that I felt the Lord was speacking to me. As I was walking back to my car (now a red, ford focus.) I was thinking, one part of me is so freaked out and shattered that I am not in control of what is going on because this is so not what I planned in life! If I had my way and it was all in my control Ben would have walked out of the first hospital he was in back in GA!! The other part of me is so relieved that I am not in control because I can sit back and relax (for the most part) and watch God do all the work! His way may be A WHOLE LOT slower then mine but He is way into detail. I would just be patching Ben up and saying...you look good, that will do, okay let's go but when Jesus is fixin things He is all about the detail and getting everything perfected! I am not a perfectionist but He is! So seven months later here were are...God is still in the perfecting business and on His time whether I like it or not!
Ben continues to do well. We have been outside in the beautiful gardens several times and Ben is soaking in the sun! He is trying so hard to stay awake and is much better at opening his eyes when they ask him to...way better then he ever has! The therapists and doctors are doing VERY thourogh exams on Ben which I am very impressed with! So, in the last blog I said they would be taking him off some of the uneaded meds and so far they have taken him off 3! They are tapering his blood pressure meds and the neuro doc is going to start tapering him off the most sedating seizure med on Monday and see how he does! This is a huge answer to prayer to get him off these meds and also taper his seizure meds! Yay God!!
I have settled in a bit. Organized my room, bought some food, met a few people and so on. I have been sick since the night we got here. I think it was allergies at first but it has gotten worse! This makes it so I cannot spend as much time as I want but I did this evening. I went out and bought fresh OJ, Vit C, all natural cough drops and a few meds today. Hopefully that will kick it in the bumm!
One of the biggest things I am going through is a bit of lonliness. Ben and I have been surrounded by family and friends both in GA and WA and here I know nobody! It is hard but I am dealing! I have a few weekend plans coming up which will be wonderful but during the week it gets a tad lonely! I got booted out of Ben's PT/OT today so they could do evals so then I really don't know what do to...well like I said today I went to the beach!
Prayer requests -
1. Ben's seizures would be control and continue to diminish as they taper off his meds.
2. Ben would continue to stay awake!!
3. Muscles and joints would loosen
4. Neck and head control would improve (thinking about more Botox to the neck)
5. Swallow would improve so they can advance Ben to a better diet
6. I would start to feel better
7. My heart and lonliness
Blessings to you all!
Katie and Ben
PS...the photo of Ben above was taken about a month ago while in WA! I thought I would post it in honor of our 7 months of being alive! He is a lil over 180lbs and still has alot of his sexy muscle! To me he looks amazing! I believe that he is the most HANDSOME MAN EVER...sorry to all you men out there...Ben has you beat!! :)
at 9:35 AM