Friday, December 17, 2010

fa la la la la...

"In the famous lace shops in Brussels, there are special rooms devoted to the spinning of the world's finest lace, all with the most delicate of patterns. The rooms are kept completely dark, except for the light that falls directly on the developing pattern, from one very small window. Only one person sits in each small room, where the narrow rays of light fall upon the threads he is weaving, for lace is always more beautifully and delicately woven when the weaver himself is in the dark, with only his work in the light. Sometimes the darkness in our lives is worse, because we cannot see the web we are weaving or understand what we are doing. Therefore we are unable to see any of the beauty or any possible good arising from our experience. Yet, if we are faithful to forge ahead and if we do not give up someday we will know that the most exquisite work of our lives was done during those days when it was the darkest. If you seem to be living in deep darkness because God is working in strange and mysterious ways, do not be afraid. Simply go forward in faith and in love, never doubting Him! He is watching and will bring goodness and beauty from all your pain and tears!" {Streams In the Desert}

Often I have found myself in times of darkness and wondering what the Lord could be thinking to put us through what we are going through. So many times I ask why us, when is this going to end and what the end result will be. This is the darkest part of my life I have ever lived out! No, I am not depressed but there are dark periods that I have lived. This analogy was so good for me to read the other day. It shows me that God has put us in this "special room" (journey) of darkness not to get us down, wallow in my sorrow or to give up. I may be in a dark room but in that room God shines His light on us and intricately patterns our life into a complete master piece. I cannot see what He is doing but I can trust that He is forming our lives and our situation into something way better then we could ever ask for! Does this mean that I don't doubt, cry, fear, and get anxious about Ben and my future...of course not! Those feelings and emotions are real but it is what we do with them! I choose to move forward in faith, knowing that our lives and future are in His control!

Ben has been doing good! He continues to fight through this battle although at times he says he doesn't want to go to therapies! I tell continue to tell him that this is his job now, to get better! His Ranger bosses are paying him to do rehab so that he can get better and go back to work! I sneak in the fact that if he doesn't go to work/therapies they are not going to pay for it anymore! Ben always then says, "ok." Ben goes and continues to work so very hard! Due to his memory issues it is still hard for him to see how far he has come. This is frustrating for Ben and difficult for him to process!
Ben has made progress since he has been here! They may seem small but to us they are HUGE! I have been trying to write them down so that I remember. Here are a few of those things:
1. Initiates in asking for things: (all comes from ben and not me asking anything)
-Take my socks off
-I don't want the tv on
-Turn the tv off before you go
-Stay with me
-"I want to go to bed!" Me-why? Ben-"I am tired because I had a brain injury!"
-I don't want the nasty like that stuff!
2. Initiating in asking questions:
-Is it cold out?
-Why can't I go?
-While watching a show Ben asks who do you think is going to win, who do you
think will win the reward?
-Where did you go? where were you?
3. Remembering names and places:
-Remembering therapists names (he only needs help with a few)
-Remembering kids names of those he has not seen or heard of in a long time
-When his buddy was here he quizzed Ben on steps to loading/unloading his boat,
jump master stuff, Ranger Creed, mountain climbing...and Ben did great
-starting to remember some day to day stuff or things that I have told him we are
going to do.
4. ADL's (actiivties of daily living)
-puts his shirt on to his neck (working on getting it over his head)
-he can pretty much put on and take of his shorts while laying down
-works his toothbrush and brushes teeth (just needs help rinsing)
-drinking from a cup and not always a straw (he is almost on thin liquids!)
5. Vison (biggest report this week!)
-Ben has no issues with his vision! 20/20 on the RT and 20/25 on the LFT with
slight astigmatism. Doc was not concerned about this at all.
-Has issues with eye movements (eyes jump at times instead of move smoothly)
-No issues tracking!
-Has some difficulties with following the finger to bring eyes together
(cross-eyed type)
-Therapies to help with eye movement to come!

So, over all Ben is coming along! We have a loooooonnnnnggggg ways to go but like I have been telling Ben and myself it takes many baby steps to form a big step! Please continue to lift Ben up in your prayers! Obviously PRAYER and JESUS changes things!

Here is a video of Ben walking on Wed! They did a little hip and leg manipulation and after that Ben walked the fastest and best he ever has! No one even needed to remind him to keep his head up! He was walking so fast that his walker was going everywhere at some points!

{will and ben}


Brenda said...

Well, it looks like they are allowing you to take some pictures during therapy now! :) So I'm thinking about how to help Ben have some insight into the progress he has made... I wonder if you let Ben look at some of the early video of him walking and on the robo-walker thing, would he recognize the progress in that area. Do you have any old paperwork with old goals he has met? (especially goals around strength, endurance, ADLs, speech). Have you shown him this blog? Maybe an old post where you are reporting how he is starting to whisper-speak, or where he is tolerating being out of bed and in a chair. Are there any old pictures where he is obviously not as strong that you could put in his room as a reminder to him about where he has come from... maybe with a verse below about "through Christ all things are possible" or something like that? I just want this guy to be encouraged, but that's tricky when he struggles with insight. I'll be praying for Ben about this need to see his progress so he can be encouraged to keep a goin'!

Theresa said...

That is just beautiful! It is such an encouragement watching you both walk through this journey. Thanks for sharing it here.

Anonymous said...

That is awesome progress!!! So happy for Ben!! Praying for his memory and his continued good attitude toward his therapy!! Praying for continue to amaze me in each of your post!! Merry Christmas from Lubbock, TX!

Anonymous said...

Thank You, my Friend, for allowing Father to show His grace through you. I am excited to see what Ben can do. Yes, it seems there's a long way to go, just remember Father is where Ben is already healed and just waiting for you to get there. I love you, Marion