Thursday, May 19, 2011

precious lord take my hand...

A short time ago I received a lil meditation book from a lady whose son suffered a TBI a few years ago. It is called, Precious Lord, Take My Hand. I have only read the first excerpt but it has already hit home for me. Since being home it has made me think of the post about wife vs caregiver...[found here]. in the first excerpt it talks about how much she didn't expect to find out about herself in the caregiving process. She also said, "we are called to love in ways that will either change us or break us. On days when I felt like plunging toward earth in an out-of-control freefall, God showed me my agendas, my reservations, my fear, my vanities, my pride and my selfishness. He used my infirmities to show me His sufficiancy!" What powerful and such trueness in those few words. There have been many days, nights, moments and hours that I have felt as if I am free falling right into a crash zone! Things are not going as planned, the day was not smooth, things have gone aray and so many more things. This is God showing me that my eyes are not on Him but on the situation and the things that are in front of me. Kind of like when Peter saw Jesus walking on the water...he started walking towards Jesus but the minute he looked down is the moment when he started sinking.
This time in caring for Ben has taught me alot not only with Ben but with the Lord as well. There is a whole way to love the one that you are caring for without losing the real love that you have for them. It at times is hard to figure out and grasp but slowly but surely I am learning it! It has not come easy and it is still not easy but I am getting there! Life now has become getting accustomed to Ben snoring at night and sometimes on purpose in the morning (really funny but not), him poking me EARLY in the morning saying he needs to get up and eat, cleaning up, making meals, wheelchairs, meds, bathroom issues, transfers, recliners, urinals, walkers, dressing, undressing...and the list goes on...not to mention all the other things of running a WHOLE household on my own....!!! It is super hard not to get caught up in that and in the caregiver role! It gets super tiring! I then look into my mans eyes as he stands to hug me and all of those things go away! Jesus, in those moments whispers in my ear, "I got it. I love you. I am in control!" Jeremiah 29:11 says, "for I know the plans that I have for you..." I have to look to Him for that because He certainly hasn't told me what He is up to nor can I change things on my own...except my additude and how I choose to live my life and love my man.
So in all of this I reflect, sing and pray this over our lives...

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I’m weak, I’m lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

On to Ben...
Monday there was a mix up in Ben's OT schedule and so he didn't have any therapies that day but I put him to work! I was doing some things in the kitchen and then I decided that Ben should be helping me! I put him to work putting away the silverware and then working on opening a can of soup. He did great with the silverware and needed just a tad of help with the can. After that I had him draw and he ended up drawing a whole bunch of hearts for his mom and wanted to write, "happy mom's day." I told him that Mothers Day had already passed and he said, "it is ok, it is just a delayed card!" Sounded good to me!

I have been running some errands while Ben is in therapies so I miss some of it. It gives Ben some time with no distractions just to work with his therapists. I do stick around for alot but also stay back or in the other room when I am home. So, I got some photos on both my phone and my camera...I just have not downloaded all the ones from my camera!

Yesterday one of the SOCOM guys from the Ranger battalion (work with wounded soldiers) came and picked Ben up at 0730 to go on post! Ben was super excited to go since he has not been for about 3 years! They went and saw Ben's old companies stomping grounds, had "chow", got Ben's ID updated and hung out! When he got back he was a chatter box! He was able to tell me people he had seen, what he had done, how things looked different and a few other things. The one thing that made my heart melt is when Ben said, "I saw a picture of Kessler." I asked him how he felt about that and he responded, "I miss him and haven't forgotten him." I almost lost it because Kessler was one of his good buddies that passed away overseas when they were deployed together. He will not be forgotten for the sacrifice he made even by Ben who has had a brain injury and has issues with his memory. It was such a sweet moment. Overall his time on post was "really cool" and "I want to go back soon!"

Yesterday I went and got a pedi and ran some errands while Ben was gone. I also picked up some patio furniture and of course Ben said that he wished he could put it together because he would do a better job! Stinker! I gave him the instruction page and had him look at each step and tell me what to do. He did AMAZING! He blew me away with the ability to do it. Not that I never thought he couldn't but the fact that he did it was fantastic!

I then took on the task of planting so flowers! I LOVE flowers! I love them everywhere....inside and out! I have some more to plant but I have to get another pot for the leftovers!

{sorry for the blue mistake!}

A new pride and joy that I found! Remember how Ben always informs me that he is the KING...well, I found the perfect frames for the King and Queen! I put some photos in them but I am sure they will change I am sure. They are hanging right on the entry wall by the front door for all to see who the KING is!

I will try to get all the photos off my camera soon so you can see what Ben has been working on! Soon...

Sayings of Ben...
Ben - "I just want out of this situation and I want to get you out of it too!"

While snuggling next to Ben the other night before he went to sleep he said right away, "thank you for being my wife...i love you!" Me-"I love you and so glad I am your wife." B-"I don't want to go through life with anybody else!"

"For I know the plans that I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart!" Jer. 29.11-13


Marcie said...

Love the frames!
And Jer. 29:11 is one of my favorite verses. I have to repeat it to myself alot some days!
So glad to hear that you and Ben are adjusting to life at Home!

Emily said...

I've definitely been praying for your endurance as you both adjust to being home. Sounds like God is ever present.

Your frames are awesome, love their in the entry! Wishing you both the best.

No Model Lady said...

Ha! Love the frames:) I can't imagine how difficult it is for a man used to being the provider, the protector and the builder of patio furniture :) to have to deal with being provided for. His statement to you about wanting out of the situation for you as much as for him shows me that it is extremely difficult for him. You two are so blessed to have one another!

Anonymous said...

Boy, aren't we glad Father only has us live one moment at a time, one day at a time. Too, that (as you know) His strength/grace is sufficient for that moment. I continue to trust Father for you both. Marion

Morgan said...

I can't believe Ben was on post yesterday. We live here on Main Post and I know my husband would have been delighted to know he was here. Some of the guys in my husband's company read this blog as well.

Carol Steward said...

Katie and Ben..I pray for yall and all of our wounded warriors, their caregivers, families and friends every night. I know from experience that caregiving is not easy but you will gain a lot of love from it thru His work. God Bless.

Michelle said...

You are such an inspiration! You're doing such an incredible job!!

The Ranch Mom said...

Flowers seem to bring life to everything around them. Been following for a few months and so blessed by you and Ben. Press on and keep your eyes on the prize. You are both a testimony to God's goodness and faithfulness. Thank you for glorifying our Father through EVERYTHING!

Theresa said...

Really sweet post. So nice to see you two together at home :)
As I was reading I thought of the hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour", so very true!

Sherri Hoddle said...

Your mom was in the office yesterday and mentioned the frames, they are perfect!

sharon said...

Looooove reading your blog. You are so faithful to update us. I know your time is limited...really appreciate you keeping us in the loop. Love praying for you and Ben.
Aunt Sharon

chambanachik said...

Totally teared up reading this tonight.

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

You are an inspiration to many. My life actually seems easy compared to yours (and mine has been pretty darn tough lately).

I love to hear about all of your day-to-day stuff, especially Ben's thoughts on life and his marriage to you. You have one special guy there.

Thanks so much for our sweet comment ... and your prayers. I really appreciate how you said that "things are between me and God, not me and my blog readers". Thank you.

We would LOVE to have you come for a visit, if and when you and Ben are ready for a little outing. I don't know if you remember, but our eldest son served in the army for 4.5 years (with 2.5 years spent in Iraq), and our 2nd son is headed to OCS next month for the navy. So, we have a heart and passion to honor and serve the men and ladies that have served our country.

Hope your weekend is BLESSED!

Laurel :)