Wednesday, September 15, 2010
a peek into my heart 2...
Yes, peek 2! Another part of this journey that has been so hard for me is seeing Ben working so hard on everything, every single day and not being able to remember the majority of it!
As a wife I have seen Ben work for many things in life. He has worked for promotions, written tests, physical tests, emotional tests, climbing mountains, schools, awards, races and so many other things! I am sure many of you have stood by your man or woman and have watched the same thing. They work hard, it sometimes takes long hours/days, they are pysically exausted, beat up, emotionally drained and so on.
In Ben's situation in his therapies right now he does all the above but the worst part about it...he cannot remember! When I tell him during the day and the end of the night all that he did that day and how proud of him I am Ben responds, "I don't see it!" Ben gives 100% each and every day but he cannot remember some of the things he did 10 min ago!
My heart breaks when he says he cannot see it. To Ben sometimes he feels like every day is the same and that he isn't getting any better! What gets to me is that Ben works so hard toward all of his goals, is getting there, but to him it is no where!
It is frustrating for both of us! You can imagine how it would be on him. For me my mind says why can't you just remember and my heart is crushed. Memory is not a word I like these days. It is frustrating to stand by my man and see him struggle and work SO DARN HARD and not be able to see where he has come.
I ask the Lord every day why He would allow his son to work so hard and not even be able to see the hard work be put into practice. I also still ask the Lord why we are where we are and if we are where we are now can He help my man out a bit so that Ben can be encouraged and strengthed!
So, from the above things that I wrote imagine if your love one failed at one of those things! Failed at getting the job, passing the test, losing the race...they feel like failures. They don't want to try again for a while and all that good stuff that comes along with the process. That is Ben, but he feels that every day...and still chooses to move forward! How am I as a wife be there for him, pray for him, cherish him, empower him and motivate him?? This question is hard to answer and I can only do what I know what I can do...be there for my man! Nothing changes because Ben has a brain injury. Brain injury or not I am going to do the same things, if not more for him now. I know that I can pray for my man, pray with him, read the Bible to Ben, worship with him and be by his side! Is this easy when he continues to say that he doesn't see it...of course not...because then I feel like it is not working. But in me thinking it is not working is telling the Lord that I don't trust Him and what He can do through all of what we are doing. I for sure do not want that!
So, in those times where your loved one is stuggling, striving for a goal, at their wits end or whatever the situation may be...stand by them, remind them of the goal, pray over them specifically, don't speak negatively, and trust Jesus with the results! Don't give up because you don't see the results in your timing but trust Jesus in His...even if it is the hardest thing you have ever done. I will admit this is the hardest thing I have ever done...the last thing I remembered before this was to pass my nursing boards...that seems so minute to what we are going through right now. But in both situations I had to trust the Lord in the timing and in the results!
"Do not let this happy trust in the Lord die away, no matter what happens. Remember your reward! You need to keep on patiently doing God's will if you want Him to do for you all that He has promised. His coming will not be delayed much longer. And those whose faith has made them good in God's sight must live by faith, trusting Him in everything. Otherwise, if they shrink back, God will have no pleasure in them." Hebrews 10:35-38
"So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:4
"But you will not need to fight! Take your places; stand quietly and see the incredible rescue operation God will perform for you, Oh people of Judah and Jerusalem! Don't be afraid or discouraged! Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!" 2 Chronicles 20:17
at 9:49 PM