Wednesday, September 15, 2010

a peek into my heart 2...

Yes, peek 2! Another part of this journey that has been so hard for me is seeing Ben working so hard on everything, every single day and not being able to remember the majority of it!
As a wife I have seen Ben work for many things in life. He has worked for promotions, written tests, physical tests, emotional tests, climbing mountains, schools, awards, races and so many other things! I am sure many of you have stood by your man or woman and have watched the same thing. They work hard, it sometimes takes long hours/days, they are pysically exausted, beat up, emotionally drained and so on.
In Ben's situation in his therapies right now he does all the above but the worst part about it...he cannot remember! When I tell him during the day and the end of the night all that he did that day and how proud of him I am Ben responds, "I don't see it!" Ben gives 100% each and every day but he cannot remember some of the things he did 10 min ago!
My heart breaks when he says he cannot see it. To Ben sometimes he feels like every day is the same and that he isn't getting any better! What gets to me is that Ben works so hard toward all of his goals, is getting there, but to him it is no where!
It is frustrating for both of us! You can imagine how it would be on him. For me my mind says why can't you just remember and my heart is crushed. Memory is not a word I like these days. It is frustrating to stand by my man and see him struggle and work SO DARN HARD and not be able to see where he has come.
I ask the Lord every day why He would allow his son to work so hard and not even be able to see the hard work be put into practice. I also still ask the Lord why we are where we are and if we are where we are now can He help my man out a bit so that Ben can be encouraged and strengthed!
So, from the above things that I wrote imagine if your love one failed at one of those things! Failed at getting the job, passing the test, losing the race...they feel like failures. They don't want to try again for a while and all that good stuff that comes along with the process. That is Ben, but he feels that every day...and still chooses to move forward! How am I as a wife be there for him, pray for him, cherish him, empower him and motivate him?? This question is hard to answer and I can only do what I know what I can there for my man! Nothing changes because Ben has a brain injury. Brain injury or not I am going to do the same things, if not more for him now. I know that I can pray for my man, pray with him, read the Bible to Ben, worship with him and be by his side! Is this easy when he continues to say that he doesn't see it...of course not...because then I feel like it is not working. But in me thinking it is not working is telling the Lord that I don't trust Him and what He can do through all of what we are doing. I for sure do not want that!
So, in those times where your loved one is stuggling, striving for a goal, at their wits end or whatever the situation may be...stand by them, remind them of the goal, pray over them specifically, don't speak negatively, and trust Jesus with the results! Don't give up because you don't see the results in your timing but trust Jesus in His...even if it is the hardest thing you have ever done. I will admit this is the hardest thing I have ever done...the last thing I remembered before this was to pass my nursing boards...that seems so minute to what we are going through right now. But in both situations I had to trust the Lord in the timing and in the results!

"Do not let this happy trust in the Lord die away, no matter what happens. Remember your reward! You need to keep on patiently doing God's will if you want Him to do for you all that He has promised. His coming will not be delayed much longer. And those whose faith has made them good in God's sight must live by faith, trusting Him in everything. Otherwise, if they shrink back, God will have no pleasure in them." Hebrews 10:35-38

"So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:4

"But you will not need to fight! Take your places; stand quietly and see the incredible rescue operation God will perform for you, Oh people of Judah and Jerusalem! Don't be afraid or discouraged! Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!" 2 Chronicles 20:17


marlece said...

so encouraging... Katie, you speak so strongly into others lives with your heart. You keep standing by that man of yours, you are amazing!

Marisa said...

Katie, you are strong. What you are doing for your husband is amazing. Your strength and conviction are an inspiration. You both are in my prayers...and I have gotten the rest of the Husseys on your prayer train:).

Anonymous said...

Oh, Katie, THANK YOU for the reminder. What a precious gift yu are giving others through your pain. Father sees from the end to the beginning, He's already seen the answer to your prayers for Ben. You'll soon be the place where you see them too. I love you, Marion

Heather said...

Hi Katie (and Ben). You don't know me, but I feel we have a big army/ranger family in common! Cortney Gleaton shared your blog with me after your accident, and I have been watching your progress. You are AMAZING! Shortly after your accident my husband's platoon experienced an IED overseas, we lost our best friend and many of our friends were severely injured- Cory Remsburg being one of them.... Mayb you know him but he has been on the same long road as your husband. I am inspired daily by his family, and now also by you- keep fighting, keep praying, I am going to email my friends and prayer warriors your blog so they can pray for you as well. Hopefully one day our paths will cross- until then, I will be reading your blog!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Patience and Faith... Can you imagine how it must be for those families that do not know anything about the medical field as you and I do? At least we have some knowledge. PLUS, you have GOD working in your life. GOD does not make mistakes. I can not imagine how hard it must be Dear, but I have a glimpse. Just know my love & prayers are being sent to you & Ben everyday. "LORD, give Katie & Ben all the support, strength, and your enduring love. For these days ahead will be hard on their hearts & souls. Hold Katie's hand and guide her so that she may do your will and not feel alone. Fill her heart with Hope, Compassion, and Love so that she may feel at ease during this time of her life". I will never stop saying, "We are here with you & YOU WILL overcome this hurdle. GOD has already heard and answered your prayers in his plan. His Will will manifest in Time.

I recently saw a documentary on Mother Teresa. She said, "Christ is hungry, and you gave him food." By this she meant, Christ wanted for us to love one another and serve others in need. Therefore, you are feeding Christ's hunger by loving Ben and being there for him. All of these tasks are blessings you are receiving. Soooo, continue to do GOD's work. The reward will be seen in due time! ;-)