Tuesday, October 11, 2011

waiting...


"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

Oh that word, wait! I really don't like it, sometimes I have come to despise it but yet at the same time waiting brings things that I never expected!

Waiting is something that Ben and I have had to do ALOT of. Some days of waiting are better then others but most linger on and on and on. There are often days when I just look up and say, "hello, are you there because I am and we are still waiting for you to come and do a lil more healing...ok maybe alot more healing!" Like I should be telling God that what I am doing when He knows all things!

It is hard to wait when the man that you love with all of your heart says, on a daily basis, "this sucks," "I just want to walk on my own," "I am ready for this brain injury to be over," "I just want to get back to my buddies," I want to give you a baby," "I really want to just stand on my own!"...and the list goes on! I usually say I know, you're doing awesome, you're an amazing man, I am so proud of you...all the things that Ben loves to hear and needs to hear! Waiting doesn't help in answering these heartaches of Ben. He so wants to get better and just wants to get out there and do the things that he loves! He has even told me that it sucks because he cannot love me in the way that he wants and how he used to.

Time goes on, we move forward. We try and stay busy by doing "normal" things. I don't want to not do things just because Ben has limited mobility or because of a brain injury!

A few defininitions of the word wait in the dictionary are:
~to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens
~to be available or in readiness
~to look forward to eagerly

To remain inactive...no thank you! Of course there are times when Ben and I need our rest but we will by no means be inactive and just sit around and wait for him to be 100% healed. I don't believe that is what God has called us to do.
To be available...right now I am available to Ben. This is my calling and mission at this time until Ben takes steps to doing more and more on his own. Even though I know and he has said that it is hard for him to let me care for his almost every need and he understands that it has taken a tole on me...I am being available and ready to him. Today when we were driving I told him I was a bit shaky because I didn't eat breakfast. He said, "you had better eat something because if something happens to you I am skrewed!" I really don't want this to be for the rest of his life but in our waiting I will care for his needs.
To look forward eagerly...I do look forward eagerly in my waiting for what God has for us. He has things for us today, tomorrow, next month, next year. In the waiting process I cannot help but look forward to Ben's complete healing. I know God is doing things in Him right now and for that I am grateful but I still get excited about the healing that is to come! We just don't know when it is...darn it...must wait!

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Ps 27:14

"One of the important exhortations of the Bible is the call to “wait on the Lord.” Even though God promises special blessing for waiting, waiting is one of the most difficult exhortations of Scripture. Why is it so hard? Because, as a part of fallen humanity, we are so prone to take matters into our own hands, to follow our own schemes. Yet, over and over again we are told in Scripture “wait on the Lord.”
We don’t like to wait and when we think of waiting we are apt to respond with the pun, “Wait? That’s what made the bridge collapse!” Of course, that’s weight, not wait. But then these two words, weight and wait are not always unrelated because one of our needs in waiting on the Lord is the need to cast the weighty burdens of life on Him.
The ability to wait on the Lord stems from being confident and focused on who God is and in what God is doing. It means confidence in God’s person: confidence in His wisdom, love, timing, understanding of our situation and that of the world. It means knowing and trusting in God’s principles, promises, purposes, and power." J.Keathley

There are things that I can take into my own hands and do things but healing Ben completely is not one of them! Oh sometimes I wish that there was a pill for brain injuries or a treatment to zap the brain to make it all go back to normal but there is not! I can be here for my man and do the things I know that Ben needs and help get him some treatments but I cannot heal him. That is up to the Lord. Of course the selfish, expectant side wants to know when and how and ask why not now??!! Why is He making us wait? Why make Ben suffer when he knows what is going on and just wants to be back to who he knows who he is? Why is it dragging on when I know God could heal Ben right now! Why the waiting? It gets very frustating to know there is nothing else I can do for my man. It is human for us to want to fix things and then with my nursing back ground I want to even more!

I will say that in our waiting we have learned alot! Selfishly I am done learning things but spiritually I want more! In life I want more.
Waiting for me involves: expectations, hope, trust, positives, negatives, seeking, action, contentment (hard one), and so many other things. Who knew waiting could entail so much!

The promises from the Lord to those who wait on Him are amazing! He meets our needs according to His promise, He gives us our requests, peace, His faithfulness, His never ending love for us, rest (awwww), safety, satisfaction and the list goes on!
When we were driving up to post this morning for another appointment a song came on that I have heard before but not for quite some time...all about waiting!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

...this is what Ben and I will continue to do, wait on the Lord! I will thrive to be peaceful, faithful, worship, love and continue to care for the man whom God has given to me!

"Do any of the worthless idols of the nations cause rain to fall? Do the skies themselves send showers? Is it not you, O Lord our God, who does this? So we put our hopes in you because you alone do all this.” Jer. 14:22

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me: for You are the God of my salvation; on You do I wait all day." Psalm 25:4-5

11 comments:

Bethany said...

Hi Katie,
I started following your blog a while ago and actually went all the way back to the beginning and have almost caught up. My dad was in an accident five years ago that left him with a traumatic brain injury. Even though I don't know you,I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am, because you are such a beautiful example of a Christian. I'm praying for you guys!

carly said...

Hi Katie. My name is Carly Hutchison my husband is SSG Hutchison. A ranger medic down at 1st battalion. I happened upon your blog and Im so glad I did. You are a huge inspiration and the true example of an amazing woman of god, and ranger wife. I just wanted to write and let you know that you have the full support of my husband and I (and a couple of family members who are hooked on your blog!) Please let me know if you ever need anything. Keep hanging in there and know that all of your love and support does not go unnoticed. Good luck and God Bless.
Sincerely,
The Hutchisons
1st Battalion
RLTW

Anonymous said...

My Dear Katie, I know I havn't walked in your or Ben's shoes BUT I have walked in mine. Yes, my life's opportuinties have been very different, yet they are what Father gave me. During my opportunities He taught me to rejoice in all things (Philippians 4:4), and to give thanks for/in all things (I Thessalonians 5:18). Besides (this you already know) Satan CAN'T stand when we praise Father...especially when it's the sacrifice of Praise during/for our situations. I love you and continue to trust Father for both of you. Marion

Amanda said...

This post was really moving Katie. From the second I started reading your head "While I'm waiting" came on my itunes. It's one of my favorite songs. God is good always and this post was such an important reminder to me that we have to put our sinful desires aside and patiently and hopefully wait on the Lord. I continue to pray for you and Ben. Have a blessed day!

Marcie said...

This was just what I needed to hear this morning. It has been a rough week/day, but I know things are gonna start looking up!

Anonymous said...

Katie & Ben ~ You have been "waiting" for what seems like forever. God's timing is not our own. He knows what's best! I always revert back to the story of my Grandparents when I need to be reminded to wait on God. They were married 1 month shy of 69 years. My Grandma was a devoted spirti filled Christian, raising all 3 of their children in church and NEVER giving up on my Grandpa's faith. My Grandpa was not a Christian and would always make fun of her. I can remember going over their house and telling him he is going to hell if he don't become a Christian and he would just laugh. Well, fast forward to the week my Grandma was dying. My Grandpa, sitting at the foot of her hospital bed (in their home), bowed his head and asked Jesus into his heart! For 7 years now, he has been nothing but a devout Christian, never cussing and always quoting scriptures (my Grandma DID rub off on him)! As I write this, he is now laying in his own hospital bed dying (any time now), saying he can't wait to see his bride, he is ready to finally meet Jesus!

I'm not saying it will take 69 years, but I am saying to just "wait" upon the Lord, he knows when the time is right!

I am always praying for you and Ben. I absolutely love your blogs, they are so inspiring, courageous and full of hope!

Caroline said...

And while you wait, we are here. . . reading, listening, hoping, praying, and holding you both in our hearts.

You both are amazing.

Anonymous said...

An interesting article in the NY times. Thank you for your blog.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/09/opinion/sunday/brain-injury-and-building-a-new-life-afterwards.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3

CareGiving Daughter said...

Our battles are different, but i know waiting. You are such an inspiration to me Katie--I have wasted far too much of my time being so angry at God for not healing my husband of cancer, for the constant highs and lows of it all--the constant lows take a toll on me. Finding your blog has been a joy for me, and God is a new and amazing experience for me. Thank you for being so open to sharing your heart and introducing Ben and yourself. You are both awesome.

--Masri

Crystal said...

You always post things that resonate with me. You are struggling, waiting, and yet...INSPIRING. You find the joy in life. You and Ben never cease to amaze me. You are both incredible.

As stated above, we're all waiting with you. I sit completely across the country from you...but I wait and pray with you. -Crystal

Grandma Becky said...

What a great post, Katie. It's hard to wait for the healing to come especially on the hard days. You are a testimony to what a great marriage is, to be there for each other. Sometimes you have to give more but it will a blessing. Worship while waiting! Remember the Blessings song by Laura Story. I love that one as well. Hang in there, my friends. My prayers and hugs!