Friday, January 28, 2011

Wife vs caregiver...



Beloved, let this one sink in deeply: if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out! God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you! Live up to it! All the way up!" BM

The past few days I have been thinking about wife vs caregiver. I am Ben's wife but I am also Ben's caregiver, at least part time at this point. I have been finding out that there is a fine line between being a caregiver and wife.
As hard as it has been to not be in Ben's therapies it has taught me an important lesson. I am his wife first. I am not his therapist. As much as I want to be with him to cheer him on in his hard work, that is not my job right now. I didn't get to be there for him at work to cheer him on, encourage him to fight when things got hard, give him a hug when things got bad...I did this at home as his wife. When I take him to therapy it is his job to do these things on his own. He has to fight for it and he has to have the desire and will power to finish strong. I will for sure be there when he gets back from therapy to ask him what he did, how he felt, and how he thought he did.
I don't want to be the wife that demands things out of him because I know it is better for him. I really have to watch my tone that comes from my voice, the way that I treat him and the way that I am there for him.
As Ben's wife I am called to cherish my man, encourage, dote on, love him, be his best friend, be his lover, be the loyal one when others forsake him, pray for him, lead him when he cannot lead us, and be gentle with him. I could go on and on about every thing that I am called to be but that could fill up this whole blog!
As a caregiver it is my role to meet the physical needs of Ben. I help him shave, brush his teeth, bath him, help him eat, help him get comfortable, help him get dressed and so on. At the same time as doing this encourage Ben to do things on his own...with a gentle and peaceful additude. These are important for his everyday living...they need to be done and for now (along with the therapists and nurses) it is my honor and priviledge to take care of him this way, as his caregiver.
I sometimes slip more into caregiver mode and slip out of wife mode and I don't like this! Sometimes I demand, pursuade, make bargains, and worry more about his physical needs then his emotion and spiritual needs. Being in his therapies for so long took the wife role away from me...it changed my additude and how I treated him. I am not saying that I never want to be apart of his therapies or go to them when I can but it has taught me a good lesson.
The Lord has really put this on my heart and has challanged me to pray, encourage and be there for Ben as his wife and best friend! Just because our life has taken a way different turn it doesn't take that role away!
The biggest area that the Lord has opened my eyes to is praying for Ben my husband. I have asked the Lord to show me different ways to pray for him as a man, provider, husband and a recoverer of a brain injury seeking for healing! In my search for how to pray I fell upon a way to pray for your husband for 31 days. I will be starting to pray over my man in very specific ways that they list...each day for 31 days and then I will start over! I don't plan on getting to the end of those 31 days and quitting but continuing to lift my husband up in prayer! You can go HERE
to find the list of days to pray for your husband.
I love this man that God entrusted to me! Ben loves me because God untrusted me to him. I will do anything I can to be Ben's best friend, his companion, his loyalty, his trust and the one who loves him from the bottom of my heart...that will never change!!

Praise report!
I was helping Ben get ready to take a shower tonight and asked him if he could take his shirt off for me. He has been working on getting it off and on in therapy and I have also been helping me. Well what do you know...I looked back over to see if he had started and he already had it pulled over his head and off one arm!! He got it all the way off and said, "here you go!" I could have been more proud of him! Yes, small task but HUGE VICTORY!! Praise Jesus!

Sayings of Ben...
Last night I told Ben I was going to Starbucks in the morning. Before I even had a chance to ask if he wanted anything he said he wanted a donut. I asked him what kind and he said, "a maple bar!" Of course this morning I got 2...one for me and one for Ben! I asked if he wanted the big one or small one and he said the big one! I asked him why he should get it and not me and he said, "because I had a brain injury!" I told him he had to come up with a different reason and he said, "because I am the king!" Ok, Ben you win!



"The Lord within her is righteous. He does no wrong...every new day He does not fail!" Zeph 3:5

13 comments:

Marie said...

That's a good word, Katie, for all wives! When Daniel is going through something and it's sooo hard not to try to take over, its good to remember my role as his best friend and support. I'm encouraged. :) And way to go Ben with the shirt! That's amazing! He has come so far!

We love you guys and we're still praying!

Kendra said...

You are such a wonderful individual. I am so happy he is coming a long way in his therapy.

Lindsey said...

This is such an inspirational post. I think all wives need a kick in the pants to find new and encouraging ways to pray for their husbands!

You are such an inspiration - you are doing such a wonderful job of praising our God through this storm.

Anonymous said...

A good word for us all. THANK YOU!!! I love you, Marion

Whitney said...

Long time reader but first time commenter...thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to hear it more than you will ever know. My husband is a minister and I take the fact that we are "a part of the church" for granted way too much. I am inspired by you in ways that you couldn't guess. You are in my prayers! Thank you for sharing the life God entrusted you to.

www.theadventuresofwhitney.blogspot.com

Dave & Virginia Hansen said...

I doubt any person that's known you Katie for more than 10 minutes, is surprised at all to read your candid, insightful, and inspirational message, and yet ALL of us are wiser for having read it...thank you ! I said it before, and I'll say it again, you are truly a class act, a wonderful woman of God, and the ultimate example of a selfless and caring wife. Ben is indeed a blessed man ! While we all keep you BOTH in our prayers, I pray the Lord would grant YOU strength, wisdom, and resolve beyond your years, health and a clear mind, and multiply your rest 10 fold. God Bless..

Anonymous said...

Katie I am so amazed at the wisdom God has given you to stand by your man with love, compassion and yet, some times, tough love. That is a balancing act all it's own and that is why I am so encouraged each time I read your blog. I read about a young Chinese girl who had a mentor say to her "God has trusted you with a great sorrow, but also a great joy." Only a person who knows our God understands that saying. Just know we don't let a day go by unless we pray for you and Ben and your specific needs. I can't wait to meet you in March at Girls Nite Out.

Miss Southern Vol said...

So excited to read and hear about all the wonderful things that are happening for BOTH you and Ben! It seems with every post he is getting stronger and stronger. You are such an inspiration to wives everywhere. Your strength and wisdom and encouraging words are just such a blessing not only to Ben but to everyone who gets to read your blog! As always, thank you so much for sharing!

Kathleen said...

Thanks Katie for sharing this! I think right now, it's good for me to be a part of all of Cale's therapy's. And, right now, I'm still at a point that I am loving getting to be his wife and be the sweet part of his day, but this helped me to be reminded not to let it become anything else, but that! I don't ever want all of this to take away the blessing it is to be Cale's wife and not just his caretaker. I've already been praying the last few weeks about Seattle and the transition that's going to happen. This was a perfect post to confirm my thoughts about it! Also, yes! We should be praying for our husbands! Cale and Ben need us lifting them up before the throne because they're fighting a spiritual battle as well as a physical battle everyday! Have you read Power of the Praying Wife? I never finished the book, but I would love to take the time and do it! Love you friend!

Erin said...

I love, love love this post! When I clicked on the link, it didn't work, but I am going to try and google it! Thanks for sharing!

Ben and Katie said...

Erin...here it is again if you cannot find it!
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/prayingforyourhusband.pdf

Kristin said...

Did you watch Oprah last week when she featured military families? Made me think of you!

AV5848 said...

I love Ben's sayings.