a week trip...

{my family i will get to see...plus a few more nieces/nephs that have been added!

i have 14, going on 15!!}

Well, tomorrow I am off to Washington state for a week! I am heading back to have meetings with more military personel, rehab companies/short term facility and looking for a house to rent until we get settled. Those are big reasons to go back but the biggest reason for going back is that our home church there asked me to speak at the monthly women's bible study about our "Love Story" and also a bit at the weekend services on our journey of "Hope."

This is an honor for me to do!
It will be one busy week full of emotions regarding our future, coming home, seeing family, speaking in front of hundreds when I don't like being in front of that many, and making big decisions for Ben and I. I am also leaving my man behind for a whole week! This is the longest I have left him and it is super hard! A huge blessing in it all though is that Ben's bosses had two of Ben's buddies come and stay with him the whole time I am gone! They came this morning so that I could give them some instructions about Ben and what his week would look like. At lunch time they jumped right in and already started to help...it was awesome!

Huge thanks to the Ranger Regiment for blessing us with this!

It puts my heart at ease and it will make me feel so much better about leaving my man!
Today I was reminding/quizzing Ben about where and what I was doing and told him that I didn't want to go because I didn't want to leave him. Ben said, "you have to go!" I asked him why and he said, "you need to make plans for us to go home and tell people about what God has done for us." Ok Ben, I will go...even though it will be hard, I will go!

Please be praying for both of us!

Pray for Ben that he will be at peace while I am gone. Also that his week will go smoothly and nothing will go wrong but everything will go right...with more healing!
Pray for me that I will have courage while I am speaking, wisdom on making decisions, that I will be open to where God is leading us, and peace in my heart that Ben is ok!
If you don't see posts during this coming week you know why!

I will be back before you know it!!

walking together...

"Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord? Who can ever praise Him enough? Ps 106:1,2

Well, we are not holding hands and walking side by side but Ben and I are walking together! Rather it is me walking behind Ben with at times my hands under his arms! I have longed for these days and they are upon us! We have done this a few times before but this is the first time that it is getting documented by photo! Since this walk I have been walking Ben to PT and then when he is done going back to get him and walking him to lunch. His therapists keep an "eye" on us but sometimes he just says, "I am going to go to the gym and I will meet you there!" Eeeekkkk! My nerves have settled but when we first started doing this I wanted to shout, "No, come back!" the only hiccup to our walking is if someone says something to crack Ben up...last time it was, "breaking wind!" You all know that when you work out more or get moving more your system speeds up. Well, Ben just happens to do this when I am walking behind him! Stinker! His PT asked him about it the other day and Ben was stumbling all over the place, lost control over his walking and had a huge smirk on his face! Our hiccup, don't make Ben crack up while walking because he gets all wobbly! I of course had to laugh right along with both of them! If you notice his head and neck, well it still needs work! Please continue to pray that it will straighten, loosen and be positioned where it is to be!

Up and at em kid...here we go!!

One day, and I pray it is soon we will be doing this...

**Thank you to one of our fire fighter buds my compter has been healed! Virus be gone! These guys have been awesome to us and help us with anything! So grateful!

Viruses are not my friend...

This is not a bodily virus but a computer virus! It's driving me up the wall because I cannot fix it! It's only a year old and the battery is completely dead and stinky viruses! That means no long updates since I am typing from my iPod! Computer with virus=very cranky Katie! So, until it gets fixed or I throw it out the window and I replace it you will just get short blurps!

I will leave you with sayings from Ben...when Ben has his head down I ask him "Ben, where is your head?" Ben said, "it's on my shoulders!" I said back to him, "well aren't you being Mr. Sarcastic?!" to which Ben replied in a very sarcastic tone, "well you asked!" Holy batman funny! I about lost it and Ben of course had a huge smirk on his face!

payback has hit...

It was one of those lazy Sundays where it was pouring almost all day long! Ben was in his chair again watching the History Channel and I was sitting in my usual corner chair. I tool my feet and rested them on Ben's leg! Next thing I know Ben is lifting his hands and going straight to my feet! He grabbed them and started tickling them! Oh my goodness, he knows my weakness all to well! Thing is he was just starting his payback session for all the times when I have tickled his feet, underarms, neck and knees! He hates it but a girl will do anything to get her man to laugh again! I guess I cannot complain or ask him to stop because he is truly paying me back! Although it was hard to endure the tickling I couldn't help but let him do it because Ben initiated it, he remembered what bugs me and he knows how much I have gotten him at times! I think there will be more payback sessions in the future that include more than feet!

The weekend was good and busy! Saturday Ben had to morning off and then after lunch it started getting busy. Ben was asked by his Art Therapist if he could interview Ben for his thesis that he is writing. Ben agreed and so he came in on Sat afternoon. He started out by asking Ben some questions and then asked Ben to make a piece of art that showed how he was feeling or how the brain injury has affected him. First he drew some stick people of whom he told us they were me and him and then another set was him and his buddy C. Ben couldn't think of anything else at the time so the art therapist then gave him a malet type thing in which he dipped in paint and pounded on his paper! Ben was going for it and hitting it so hard! It was a mess and paint drops were flying and landing on the floor, walls, sheets, my clothes and the windows! I truly think that it was very theraputic for Ben and he created how he was feeling and what he might be experiencing!




Sunday like mentioned above was just a lazy rainy day. We were going to go to the hotel but Ben actually said he wanted to just stay and snuggle in his room because that weather was to bad! So, chill and snuggle we did! It was nice just to chill and be together with not to may interuptions!

Today was a whole day of first for Ben and to that I was thrilled! They may seem small and what not but for Ben it was huge! These are things that we thought we may never see or be able to experience! It started out we me getting to Ben at my usual time and asked him how he was and all my usual questions. I told him that I had a decent sleep and that I got up and worked out. Ben said, "good!" But he didn't stop there! He went on to ask me how it was and what I did! Usually it stops at "good" but it didn't! He kept asking questions! Ben went off to PT and I started working on a writing project. He came back after many walks, stacking things and balancing and we headed off to lunch. When I got back to the dining room I saw that his ST was with him and he told me he came up to Ben and Ben looked at him and said, "Hi Fred! How are you?" !!!!!!!! Do you know how long Fred has been trying to get Ben to do this!! It was a joyous moment for all of us!

In OT today it was not alot of Ben doing the work but him trying things out! It was bathroom adaptive trialing day! It was Bens job to get into several pieces of equiptment! This was something that we needed to do to get prepared to go home. It was fun yet serious at the same time!



After we got back from OT I asked Ben if he had a good day and he said, "yes, it was a good day!" I asked him why it was a good day and his response, "I am excited!" (back to that) Me-"why are you excited?" B-"because I got to try out those things for the bathroom which means I get to go home soon!" Oh my stinking goodness! He had me at EXCITED! I didn't care why Ben said it but it was so good hear! Ben has not said that word or anything in that catergory since the accident! Yes, he was excited about trying out toilet chairs, shower chairs, tub benches and going home but the fact that he said excited blew me away! I was excited for his excitement!!
The rest of the afternoon and evening went well and we enjoyed our time together!!

Looking forward to more miracles to come Ben's way and see the Lord work in him!! To God be the GLORY!

God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
To every believer the promise of God;
The vilest offender who truly believes,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

why the hard work...

I got to Ben at my usual time Thursday morning and Ben was just getting done with ST. I asked Ben how he was doing and he said, "good, because you are here now!" I sat on his lap to get close! This is always funny because he is in his chair with the armrests but I fit just fine thank you! I have to sit sideways so I can get close! We chatted for a bit and I told Ben that he is doing so well and working so hard! Ben responded, "I am?" I told him that he has been working so hard since day 1! I then went on to ask him why he is working so hard and these were his answers:
1. I want to go home with you
2. I don't give up
3. I want to make kids
4. I want to see my Ranger buddies again
5. I want to get home to my boat and truck (haha such a man)
6. I am working hard to be with you all the time
7. Because I love you

I would say that those are pretty good reasons to work hard! You can tell he has really been thinking about it and that his answers just didn't come out of no where!

Another question that I asked Ben is what the Lord is teaching him through all of this and these were his answers:
1. It takes patience
2. He saves lives
3. It takes time-not on our time but on Gods
4. How to pray for the guy who hit us
5. We have family that love us and come see us

Lastly I asked Ben what he wanted to tell all the people that read our blog and pray for us all the time:
"thank you!" "Tell them I love them, even the ones I don't know!" "Keep praying for healing, to go home, Katie, and the people that hit us." "Even though I cannot see them I know they are there!"...that is all of you!

Do you remember on the bottom of this post this post to pray for initiation of conversation for Ben?? Well keep up those prayers because I see improvement from him almost every day! He is asking alot more questions, responding to greetings at a faster time and even his therapists have noticed that Ben is conversing and initiating more! Ben has never been a big talker but def more then this! Keep those prayers coming because they reach the ears of the Lord and he is answering!

{this was ben at 4:30pm...he must have been tired because he has not fallen asleep this early in months!}

Fridays is always cooking class day and usually Ben is up to going! I told Ben that in cooking class they were going to be making nachos and asked if he wanted to go. Ben gave me an adamit NO! When I asked him why he said, "I don't need a cooking class, I already know how to cook!" I told Ben that they were not going to tell him how to cook but that he got to make it! He quickly then said he would go! He did great and loved every minute of it!







A lovely lady who has been following our blog debut us on her last post! She has a wonderful ministry called A Meal In The Mail! She goes by Big Fat Mama and has left some amazingly, encouraging comments for Ben and I! This was her blessing to us and wanted me to share he post with all of you! You can find her
here!

the faithfulness of my God...

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things, even purposes planned of old [and fulfilled/new] in faithfulness and truth." Is 25: 1

...is astounding! It comes in the valleys and it comes in the desert. His faithfulness comes when I least expect it and when I am on my last straw and need Him to show Himself to me! I was reading about the faithfulness of God and here is what I discovered...
Faithfulness is apart of the Lord's character! It is declared to be great, established, incomparable, unfailing, infinite, and everlasting! It should be pleaded in prayer and should be proclaimed! It is also manifested in Him fulfilling His promises, by keeping His covenant, in forgiving my sins and to His saints! It says in 1 Peter 4:19, "Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator."
So we are encouraged to depend on the faithfulness of God! Lastly the faithfulness of God should be magnified...in all things and times! If I know the faithfulness of God is always there for us then why should we stop thanking Him and praising Him when we don't feel like it or when we don't think He is being faithful to us! This is who He says He is...so He will be in my life!
I still don't understand why God is having us go through all of this and I may never but I can say through it all He has been faithful! Faithful in the spiritual, emotional and mental...He has been there! God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me! Just when I think I have nothing left He gently reminds me that he is in control!The amazingness of my God is astonishing!

Monday Ben took a break from his walker! He walked into his room with no walker, two longer rods and 2 therapists! He walked from the gym to his room, said hi and then took off to walk 3 times around the unit! He was breathing hard but when I asked him how he felt he kept saying, "cook" and "awesome!" It was good to see a look of satisfaction and pride on his face! I praised Ben for his hard work and gave him several kisses when he was done! I wanted to cry, jump up and down and praise the Lord. I think I would if it were just me and Ben!





The rest of Monday Ben was kept very busy! He got on the treadmill and put in some good time! The therapist said that this was the best he had ever done on the treadmill! Ben's head was up, he took good steps and he just overall looked good!
He got a short break then Ben had OT which involved, lots of reaching, standing to work on balancing and transfers!

Today Ben went to Art Therapy, which he loves, and started painting pieces to a frame. Remember the mosaic boards he had been putting the tiles on...well, they are going to frame it up! I didn't get a photo but hopefully next time!
At 1030 Ben had PT. He put in a good workout again today! He did walking, transfers and balancing! He did some walking with the walker but at the end of his session was without his walker again!! Today he even did much better and held his head so high! I am sure he was just swelling with pride on his hard work!




He got a break for lunch and then a lil watching of the History Channel. Ben speech therapist came in and asked what Ben was watching and Ben was able to tell him what channel and what was going on in the show! His ST said Ben was the smartest guy at Kessler for watching the History channel because all the other patients were watching Jerry Springer! Haha I had to laugh...Ben loves the History channel!
I am so proud of Ben in his speech area! He is saying a TON more and putting together longer sentances! When Ben is asked to talk loud his voice is getting so loud! Amazing! He is working so hard!!

OT came next and he had a substitute today. She said that this was going to be Ben's easiest OT session ever because he got to lay down the whole time! Ben said that he didn't want to and wanted to work! Ha! Go Ben! His activity today was to lay in a bed on a sensored mattress. It measures Ben's pressure points to see if he has any areas of concern...to prevent bed sores! It will determine what kind of mattress he will need when we go home. Of course while he was laying there our fire fighter buddies came and teased Ben for being lazy! Ben dished it back and said that he didn't want to lay there, he wanted to work and called the fire fighters lazy!
His OT said that his scan was one of the best she had ever seen so were pretty good to go!




Another break followed by dinner! Ben did a really good job of feeding himself. He still has to work very hard at it because his arm stiffens up but he has not forgotten how to eat by any means! Please pray that he masters this task that may seem so easy yet for him it is difficult because his body is working against him!

Also please pray for Ben's balance! In order for him to do many, many, many things his balance needs to be sound. He can stand for a short time against the wall, with his walker or holding on to things but if you were to stand him in the middle of a room he could not hold his own at all! So, balance is a huge request!

I love this man that God gave to me! I will continue to love him, push him, care for him and be by his side!! God will be honored and on that He will honor and bless us!

Sayings of Ben...
I keep forgetting to write them down so I forget them!! :( I will get some more soon!

one year, six months...

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deuteronomy 7:9

February 27, 2011 = 1.5 years, 18 months, approximately 72 weeks and 547 days...since the day that forever changed our lives. I can say that we have literally been to what seems like hell and back. We have hit the bottom and come back up to the top. There have been multiple occasions of tears, poundings on the pillows, being silently angry, yelling out questions, confusion, daunting days of misery and at times uncontrolable emotions!
But what tops that is faithfulness, blessings, peace, comfort, wisdom, worhip, tenderness, answered prayer and MIRACLES!

"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself... O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you." Psalm 89:2,8

Over and over again I realize how much the Lord has done for us! I look back to where Ben was this time last year and it blows me away! Look here for what Ben was and wasn't doing last year! I was praying for voice, leg movement, walking, eating and so on! Oh my stinking goodness! All of those prayers have been answered and then 10 fold! Those are not just little miracles they are HUGE! Blessings have over flowed into our lives and I am so grateful!
You may ask how can she have such a decent outlook on all of this? Well, some days things are out of control, spiraling, foggy, up side down and many other things. But it is in those times that the Lord is right there beside us. He shows Himself to Ben and I in ways that I could not imagine. It could be a scripture, a note in the mail, a worhip song, a phone call and sometimes best of all when Ben at the end of the day thanks me for giving him a shower or taking care of him. The faithfulness far out weighs my nasty moments or days! He has proven that He is near to us, He has promised to be near to us...and He has been!

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

I heard something tonight while watching a bit of the View (of all places) online Whoopy say something to the regards of people get old, people have tragic events in their lives that change how they look and people just change in their appearance. She said if we were with our loved ones just for good looks then we are with them for all the wrong reasons! I found this very true! I thing Ben is the most handsome man that I know both before the accident and after but I am in love with him for so much more then that! If I loved Ben just for what he looked like then I probably still wouldn't be around. But our love goes much deeper then that! Yes, yes, yes, I am still physically attracted to Ben but I am also emotionally, spiritually and mentally in love with Ben. Through all of this the Lord has given us a love for each other that far out weighs the negatives of our situation and this world.

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5

I am so proud of Ben! He has proven to me over and over how much of an amazing man he is! I knew this before but in all this SO MUCH MORE! Ben will not give up, he will not give in, he will not surrendur! I pray everyday that God will honor Ben for that hard work, that He will heal Ben even more for that determination and that the Lord bless him. Sometimes I tell Ben that I wish I could trade him places and Ben always responds, "no way, you would not be strong enough!" Ben doesn't say this to be mean at all and it is probably true! Although I know I am strong but this fight takes a whole differnt kind of strength...one that the Lord is giving to Ben and will continue to give him!

There are a few prayer requests that I would ask you to be praying for...

1.Initiation, planning, and organization are thought of as “higher level thinking processes” because they require a lot of brain power. To initiate, plan, and organize, a person needs to be able to think ahead, concentrate, remember things, gather and sort information, and set priorities. If you have damage to the front of your brain, you are more likely to have problems with initiation, planning, or organization. This is because the front of the brain is the part most involved in planning, organizing, and problem solving.
{ask questions, tell us he needs to go the bathroom, initiate movement, remember he can do things, reach for things, initiate conversation, carry on a conversation, do the normal, daily things, etc.}

2.Memory – Ben has some issues with long term memory but it is the short term memory that was affected the most. There is healing that needs to take place in the cerebrum but the parts that are damaged rarely go back to what they were but they make new ways of building memories. The brain has to build upon what it has and not what it was. Ben can remember some things from weeks ago (which is awesome because just a few months ago he couldn’t remember) but most days he cannot remember what he did just an hour ago. He is on a med patch to help build upon that memory that seems to be helping.

3.Specific body areas include head/shoulders (very tight and to the right), arms (they are tight and keep Ben from doing even the simplist things of washing, eating, tying shoes), trunk and core (Ben is getting better but needs some inner balance from his core), muscle tone (one of brain injured worst enemies because it can tighten/freeze muscles. works against Ben)and bathroom issues (pray that Ben gets FULL sensation back in these areas!)

4.Wisdom and strength for me. I have been really tired physically, mentally and emotionally...understandable but it gets old! Wisdom in that Ben and I have some big decisions coming up that I need God's wisdom in! They affect our future. God holds it in His hands but that doesn't take all my fears, anxiety and uneasyness away!

Here are a few photos from a few months after the accident. I have not shared these before but I wanted you to have a quick glimpse into how well Ben is doing now. I can say that these are some of the better ones of how he was looking. In these the brightness in his eyes was missing and they were just glazed over! God has brought us so far and we are grateful!

These are near and dear to my heart so please look at them respectfully and lovingly...






and look what Ben is doing now...




"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 1:20