the faithfulness of my God...

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things, even purposes planned of old [and fulfilled/new] in faithfulness and truth." Is 25: 1

...is astounding! It comes in the valleys and it comes in the desert. His faithfulness comes when I least expect it and when I am on my last straw and need Him to show Himself to me! I was reading about the faithfulness of God and here is what I discovered...
Faithfulness is apart of the Lord's character! It is declared to be great, established, incomparable, unfailing, infinite, and everlasting! It should be pleaded in prayer and should be proclaimed! It is also manifested in Him fulfilling His promises, by keeping His covenant, in forgiving my sins and to His saints! It says in 1 Peter 4:19, "Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator."
So we are encouraged to depend on the faithfulness of God! Lastly the faithfulness of God should be magnified...in all things and times! If I know the faithfulness of God is always there for us then why should we stop thanking Him and praising Him when we don't feel like it or when we don't think He is being faithful to us! This is who He says He is...so He will be in my life!
I still don't understand why God is having us go through all of this and I may never but I can say through it all He has been faithful! Faithful in the spiritual, emotional and mental...He has been there! God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me! Just when I think I have nothing left He gently reminds me that he is in control!The amazingness of my God is astonishing!

Monday Ben took a break from his walker! He walked into his room with no walker, two longer rods and 2 therapists! He walked from the gym to his room, said hi and then took off to walk 3 times around the unit! He was breathing hard but when I asked him how he felt he kept saying, "cook" and "awesome!" It was good to see a look of satisfaction and pride on his face! I praised Ben for his hard work and gave him several kisses when he was done! I wanted to cry, jump up and down and praise the Lord. I think I would if it were just me and Ben!





The rest of Monday Ben was kept very busy! He got on the treadmill and put in some good time! The therapist said that this was the best he had ever done on the treadmill! Ben's head was up, he took good steps and he just overall looked good!
He got a short break then Ben had OT which involved, lots of reaching, standing to work on balancing and transfers!

Today Ben went to Art Therapy, which he loves, and started painting pieces to a frame. Remember the mosaic boards he had been putting the tiles on...well, they are going to frame it up! I didn't get a photo but hopefully next time!
At 1030 Ben had PT. He put in a good workout again today! He did walking, transfers and balancing! He did some walking with the walker but at the end of his session was without his walker again!! Today he even did much better and held his head so high! I am sure he was just swelling with pride on his hard work!




He got a break for lunch and then a lil watching of the History Channel. Ben speech therapist came in and asked what Ben was watching and Ben was able to tell him what channel and what was going on in the show! His ST said Ben was the smartest guy at Kessler for watching the History channel because all the other patients were watching Jerry Springer! Haha I had to laugh...Ben loves the History channel!
I am so proud of Ben in his speech area! He is saying a TON more and putting together longer sentances! When Ben is asked to talk loud his voice is getting so loud! Amazing! He is working so hard!!

OT came next and he had a substitute today. She said that this was going to be Ben's easiest OT session ever because he got to lay down the whole time! Ben said that he didn't want to and wanted to work! Ha! Go Ben! His activity today was to lay in a bed on a sensored mattress. It measures Ben's pressure points to see if he has any areas of concern...to prevent bed sores! It will determine what kind of mattress he will need when we go home. Of course while he was laying there our fire fighter buddies came and teased Ben for being lazy! Ben dished it back and said that he didn't want to lay there, he wanted to work and called the fire fighters lazy!
His OT said that his scan was one of the best she had ever seen so were pretty good to go!




Another break followed by dinner! Ben did a really good job of feeding himself. He still has to work very hard at it because his arm stiffens up but he has not forgotten how to eat by any means! Please pray that he masters this task that may seem so easy yet for him it is difficult because his body is working against him!

Also please pray for Ben's balance! In order for him to do many, many, many things his balance needs to be sound. He can stand for a short time against the wall, with his walker or holding on to things but if you were to stand him in the middle of a room he could not hold his own at all! So, balance is a huge request!

I love this man that God gave to me! I will continue to love him, push him, care for him and be by his side!! God will be honored and on that He will honor and bless us!

Sayings of Ben...
I keep forgetting to write them down so I forget them!! :( I will get some more soon!

one year, six months...

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deuteronomy 7:9

February 27, 2011 = 1.5 years, 18 months, approximately 72 weeks and 547 days...since the day that forever changed our lives. I can say that we have literally been to what seems like hell and back. We have hit the bottom and come back up to the top. There have been multiple occasions of tears, poundings on the pillows, being silently angry, yelling out questions, confusion, daunting days of misery and at times uncontrolable emotions!
But what tops that is faithfulness, blessings, peace, comfort, wisdom, worhip, tenderness, answered prayer and MIRACLES!

"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself... O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you." Psalm 89:2,8

Over and over again I realize how much the Lord has done for us! I look back to where Ben was this time last year and it blows me away! Look here for what Ben was and wasn't doing last year! I was praying for voice, leg movement, walking, eating and so on! Oh my stinking goodness! All of those prayers have been answered and then 10 fold! Those are not just little miracles they are HUGE! Blessings have over flowed into our lives and I am so grateful!
You may ask how can she have such a decent outlook on all of this? Well, some days things are out of control, spiraling, foggy, up side down and many other things. But it is in those times that the Lord is right there beside us. He shows Himself to Ben and I in ways that I could not imagine. It could be a scripture, a note in the mail, a worhip song, a phone call and sometimes best of all when Ben at the end of the day thanks me for giving him a shower or taking care of him. The faithfulness far out weighs my nasty moments or days! He has proven that He is near to us, He has promised to be near to us...and He has been!

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

I heard something tonight while watching a bit of the View (of all places) online Whoopy say something to the regards of people get old, people have tragic events in their lives that change how they look and people just change in their appearance. She said if we were with our loved ones just for good looks then we are with them for all the wrong reasons! I found this very true! I thing Ben is the most handsome man that I know both before the accident and after but I am in love with him for so much more then that! If I loved Ben just for what he looked like then I probably still wouldn't be around. But our love goes much deeper then that! Yes, yes, yes, I am still physically attracted to Ben but I am also emotionally, spiritually and mentally in love with Ben. Through all of this the Lord has given us a love for each other that far out weighs the negatives of our situation and this world.

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5

I am so proud of Ben! He has proven to me over and over how much of an amazing man he is! I knew this before but in all this SO MUCH MORE! Ben will not give up, he will not give in, he will not surrendur! I pray everyday that God will honor Ben for that hard work, that He will heal Ben even more for that determination and that the Lord bless him. Sometimes I tell Ben that I wish I could trade him places and Ben always responds, "no way, you would not be strong enough!" Ben doesn't say this to be mean at all and it is probably true! Although I know I am strong but this fight takes a whole differnt kind of strength...one that the Lord is giving to Ben and will continue to give him!

There are a few prayer requests that I would ask you to be praying for...

1.Initiation, planning, and organization are thought of as “higher level thinking processes” because they require a lot of brain power. To initiate, plan, and organize, a person needs to be able to think ahead, concentrate, remember things, gather and sort information, and set priorities. If you have damage to the front of your brain, you are more likely to have problems with initiation, planning, or organization. This is because the front of the brain is the part most involved in planning, organizing, and problem solving.
{ask questions, tell us he needs to go the bathroom, initiate movement, remember he can do things, reach for things, initiate conversation, carry on a conversation, do the normal, daily things, etc.}

2.Memory – Ben has some issues with long term memory but it is the short term memory that was affected the most. There is healing that needs to take place in the cerebrum but the parts that are damaged rarely go back to what they were but they make new ways of building memories. The brain has to build upon what it has and not what it was. Ben can remember some things from weeks ago (which is awesome because just a few months ago he couldn’t remember) but most days he cannot remember what he did just an hour ago. He is on a med patch to help build upon that memory that seems to be helping.

3.Specific body areas include head/shoulders (very tight and to the right), arms (they are tight and keep Ben from doing even the simplist things of washing, eating, tying shoes), trunk and core (Ben is getting better but needs some inner balance from his core), muscle tone (one of brain injured worst enemies because it can tighten/freeze muscles. works against Ben)and bathroom issues (pray that Ben gets FULL sensation back in these areas!)

4.Wisdom and strength for me. I have been really tired physically, mentally and emotionally...understandable but it gets old! Wisdom in that Ben and I have some big decisions coming up that I need God's wisdom in! They affect our future. God holds it in His hands but that doesn't take all my fears, anxiety and uneasyness away!

Here are a few photos from a few months after the accident. I have not shared these before but I wanted you to have a quick glimpse into how well Ben is doing now. I can say that these are some of the better ones of how he was looking. In these the brightness in his eyes was missing and they were just glazed over! God has brought us so far and we are grateful!

These are near and dear to my heart so please look at them respectfully and lovingly...






and look what Ben is doing now...




"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 1:20

my child...

My Child,
You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32
Love, God

This is the Word of God and it gets me through every single day!

Thank you Lord for the Word that you brought to life and we can read it

and be calm, restored, quieted, loved, at peace, filled with joy and know that

the Lord is always with us and will never leave us! Go God!

I got this fromthis blog

Please keep a couple that we know in your prayers...

they just lost a brother to war and lost their "angel baby" to a

stillborn birth just days from the due date! They need your prayers!

another call...

Well, this is going to be short because today was another day of exaustion! My parents were out getting breakfast and I was just finishing up getting ready for the day when my phone started buzzing. I saw the number flash up and had to answer it. It was Ben's resident doc telling me that Ben had a seizure. Uhhggg, I don't like these calls! I called my parents and asked them to come back so that we could get to Ben. When we go to him he was sleeping due to the meds that they gave him to stop the seizure. He slept alot of the morning and refused to sleep pretty much the rest of the day. Our firefighter buddies came by to say hi to him and managed to get a pretty big smile out of Ben...they know how to perk him up! By the time dinner came around he was being a stinker due to the meds wearing off and him getting agitated by it. Good old side effects of meds! Thankfully this time he didn't fall the night before and didn't end up in the hospital! I am grateful that my parents are here and that they kept me busy this whole day...we had some good card games going on!
Please continue to pray for Ben. Pray that he gets a good night sleep (and me too) and that this seizure was for the good and not bad! They say sometimes seizures are actually a good thing (in some cases) because it gets things firing in the brain. Maybe in all of this more connections were being made and the Lord did some more healing in the process!

steak, cousin, carlos bakery...

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

These past few days have been busy, busy but fun, fun!!
Thursday I got to Ben at my usual time and when I was going to take off to run some errands our fire buddies stopped by! They ended up staying for almost all of Ben's therapies to encourage him, work with him and of course pick on Ben! Ben loved it!!


{Working on his salute while standing}


{throwing punches}


{the boys}

Ben was surprised at the last minute to go to lunch with the community skills group that rec therapy puts together. There were 3 other patients that went besides Ben so it was the perfect size group. They took Ben in the shuttle and I met up with them there. Ben of course didn't have to look over the menu...he knew he wanted a steak and to please cook it medium rare with french fries and beans for sides. He ordered it all and did really well. We were interested to see how Ben would do cutting and feedimg himself his steak and much to our surprise he took the knife and fork and started cutting away! He got a little shaky towards the end but he did a really good job! He has not forgotten how he likes his steak cooked or how to eat it because he did it all the same way pre-accident!! Thank you Jesus!!







Before Ben was done eating lunch I was off to the airport to go pick up my cousin and her daughter who were flying in from FL to come see us!! I greeted them with 65 degree weather (day before 40!)It was so good to see them! We went back and hung out with Ben until after dinner and then we headed out to get our own.

Friday morning we all woke up and headed out to see Ben before he went to therapy. After he took off to therapy my cousins and I headed out to the town of Hoboken, NJ! Sound familiar...why yes, because it is the town of the famoous Carlos Bakery from the show Cake Boss on TLC!! It took us about 20 min to get there and we saw a line! Oh man, totally forgot it was a holiday weekend so everyone and their mothers were there! We had fun while we waited and were trying to stay calm with the abnoxious family of children behind us who kept slamming into us! Oh well, it was worth it!
I guess Buddy was there in the morning but he went home to be with his family and new baby before we were able to get inside! We did get to see a few of the sisters and they are funny!
This was my first attempt at eating a canolli...oh my goodness...so GOOD!! I would have taken more photos of the tasty treats we go but we ate them to quickly! Yes, we did bring some back for Ben which he LOVED!!













After Carlos Bakery we had to get some pizza and then walked down on the water front area. It was a decent day so we got to see New York City as well and try and figure out what we were seeing from our side! Back to Ben we went to find him getting his next round of Botox injections. He got some more to his neck, shoulders, right arm and left ankle. Hopefully this will loosen him up some more and they he will be able to do more things easily! Ben had a full day even though we were not there! PT, lunch, treadmill, ST, OT and injections! His day didn't come to a stop until 5:30pm and then it was dinner, bathroom and shower!! Full day for everyone!

Today my cousins came over to see Ben again and then I took them to the train station because they were heading to NY for a few days. Before they left they gave Ben a special gift from my cousin's husband. He used to bull ride in his younger years and when he won he would win belt buckles! He wanted to pass one along to Ben to remind Ben to "cowboy up" when things got hard!! What a special gift and reminder for us all!



As I write this Ben is sleeping soundly! He has had a busy last few days and I think he got a sugar rush from all the treats he got and now has come crashing down into a sleep!


My parents come in tonight for a visit! They were to come out a few days after Christmas but the snow storm had them cancelling their trip! So, they rescheduled and we are looking forward to having them!!!

Sayings of Ben...
I took Ben to get on the treadmill and we were talking about workouts. I told him I had 2 today (one on my own and one walking with him) and Ben said, "good!" I asked him why and in front of 3 other therapists he said, "you need to look hot for me!" I guess I need to keep working out!

We were eating pizza tonight and I tossed Ben's crust into the box. A few moments later after he was done with the piece he had in his mouth he said, "why did you throw my crust away?" I asked him if he wanted it and he said, "yes, I want my crust!"

Later tonight while using the bathroom I was sitting in Ben's room and I heard from the bathroom, "KATIE!" I walked over and asked Ben what was wrong and he said, "I was just making sure you were here!" I reassured him and Ben was good! I have been telling him that if he needs anything he just has to call out my name!!

Wednesday loving...

While working out this am with Jillian aka crazy lady on the shred dvd I decided to do some calmer jams instead of my usual crazy jams while running! I heard this song and really fell in love with the chorus and these four, powerful words...Never Underestimate My Jesus!!!



Am I at the point of no improvement?

What are the deaths I still dwell in?

I try to excel but I feel no movement

Can I be free of this unreleasable sin



CHORUS:

Never underestimate my Jesus

your tellin me that there's no hope

Im tellin you your wrong

Never underestimate my Jesus

When the world around you crumbles

He will be strong he will be strong



I throw up my hands

Oh the impossibilities

Frustrated and tired

Where do I go from here?

Now Im searchin' for

The confidence I lost so willingly

Overcoming these obstacles

Is overcoming my fears



I think I can't

I think I can't

But I think you can

I think you can

Gather my insufficiencies and

Place them in your hands

Place them in your hands

Place them in your hands.

post valentines day...

"If the challenge you are facing doesn't place a demand on your faith, it neither pleases God nor involves Him."

Yesterday was a very sweet day for us. It really was like any other day which I was fine with! I am not a sucker for V-day and Ben and I just said that we would give each other more kisses and pray for more healing! Well, Ben surprised me with his therapists and made two cards and did his very own writing! I think he did a great job and I will treasure them always!

Ben has been getting alot of arm stretching in! His neck, shoulders and arms are tight so it holds him back from doing alot of various tasks that to us are so easy. Things like getting dressed, eating, cleaning up and so on he is restricted in doing because of this. The simplest of tasks are made hard do this and it is very frustating to Ben. He knows how to do it all but his body holds him back!

Here are a few things he is working on...

Also yesterday Ben broke another treadmill record!! 40 min! One set of 25 and another set of 15! Way to go Ben!!

Today we had to say goodbye to a friend and also a patient as well. Paul has been here since we got here way back in November. He has been amazing for Ben and I! Paul is always there to greet us at meals, ask Ben questions about therapy and share his extra treats! He is moving forward in his therapy and is leaving us today! A funny story that went down today...Paul always introduces his single friends to a single nurse here. She asked him who was going to do all of the introducing now and Paul said, "Ben will take over!" The nurse looked over to Ben and he said, "No, Kim will have to do her own shopping!" We died laughing...it was hilarious!! Way to respond Ben!

{we will miss you paul}

Since Ben has been getting on the treadmill 3 times a week I decided a few weeks ago that I should be getting this body in gear too! I have the time to do it and I don't want to look back and have missed out on the time to get healthy and work out! So, I have been getting up earlier, getting on the treadmill and also a few other working out activities. It has been good for me and the thing that keeps me going is Ben and how hard he is working to get better for me! I wear a certain pair of shorts everyday (i have a few pairs so don't worry) that are Ben's...they are his Ranger PT shorts. They are too short for him to wear in therapies but they fit me perfect! My legs are to white to expose them in the gym just yet and I get a better sweat on with leggings! It feels so good to work out! I feel better about myself, I relieve stress and waaalaaa...these lil muscles are getting stronger!

I am still working on my eating habits! I eat less then I should but life is so inconsistant that my eating is all over the place. This is what is in my fridge...


I am working on this and it is a goal (which might not happen til we get home) to eat well and consistantly! I will get there! Hey I had 3 meals today so that is a start! :)

One last treat for us came in the mail! We were sent about 20 Valentines from 2, 3 and 4 year olds from a preschool in PA! It was so cute to look through them and Ben kept saying, "cool" and "that's cute!" Ben is holding them all...



"My crown is in my heart, not on my head, Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: My crown is called content: A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy." William Shakespeare