waiting...

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

Oh that word, wait! I really don't like it, sometimes I have come to despise it but yet at the same time waiting brings things that I never expected!

Waiting is something that Ben and I have had to do ALOT of. Some days of waiting are better then others but most linger on and on and on. There are often days when I just look up and say, "hello, are you there because I am and we are still waiting for you to come and do a lil more healing...ok maybe alot more healing!" Like I should be telling God that what I am doing when He knows all things!

It is hard to wait when the man that you love with all of your heart says, on a daily basis, "this sucks," "I just want to walk on my own," "I am ready for this brain injury to be over," "I just want to get back to my buddies," I want to give you a baby," "I really want to just stand on my own!"...and the list goes on! I usually say I know, you're doing awesome, you're an amazing man, I am so proud of you...all the things that Ben loves to hear and needs to hear! Waiting doesn't help in answering these heartaches of Ben. He so wants to get better and just wants to get out there and do the things that he loves! He has even told me that it sucks because he cannot love me in the way that he wants and how he used to.

Time goes on, we move forward. We try and stay busy by doing "normal" things. I don't want to not do things just because Ben has limited mobility or because of a brain injury!

A few defininitions of the word wait in the dictionary are:
~to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens
~to be available or in readiness
~to look forward to eagerly

To remain inactive...no thank you! Of course there are times when Ben and I need our rest but we will by no means be inactive and just sit around and wait for him to be 100% healed. I don't believe that is what God has called us to do.
To be available...right now I am available to Ben. This is my calling and mission at this time until Ben takes steps to doing more and more on his own. Even though I know and he has said that it is hard for him to let me care for his almost every need and he understands that it has taken a tole on me...I am being available and ready to him. Today when we were driving I told him I was a bit shaky because I didn't eat breakfast. He said, "you had better eat something because if something happens to you I am skrewed!" I really don't want this to be for the rest of his life but in our waiting I will care for his needs.
To look forward eagerly...I do look forward eagerly in my waiting for what God has for us. He has things for us today, tomorrow, next month, next year. In the waiting process I cannot help but look forward to Ben's complete healing. I know God is doing things in Him right now and for that I am grateful but I still get excited about the healing that is to come! We just don't know when it is...darn it...must wait!

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Ps 27:14

"One of the important exhortations of the Bible is the call to “wait on the Lord.” Even though God promises special blessing for waiting, waiting is one of the most difficult exhortations of Scripture. Why is it so hard? Because, as a part of fallen humanity, we are so prone to take matters into our own hands, to follow our own schemes. Yet, over and over again we are told in Scripture “wait on the Lord.”
We don’t like to wait and when we think of waiting we are apt to respond with the pun, “Wait? That’s what made the bridge collapse!” Of course, that’s weight, not wait. But then these two words, weight and wait are not always unrelated because one of our needs in waiting on the Lord is the need to cast the weighty burdens of life on Him.
The ability to wait on the Lord stems from being confident and focused on who God is and in what God is doing. It means confidence in God’s person: confidence in His wisdom, love, timing, understanding of our situation and that of the world. It means knowing and trusting in God’s principles, promises, purposes, and power." J.Keathley

There are things that I can take into my own hands and do things but healing Ben completely is not one of them! Oh sometimes I wish that there was a pill for brain injuries or a treatment to zap the brain to make it all go back to normal but there is not! I can be here for my man and do the things I know that Ben needs and help get him some treatments but I cannot heal him. That is up to the Lord. Of course the selfish, expectant side wants to know when and how and ask why not now??!! Why is He making us wait? Why make Ben suffer when he knows what is going on and just wants to be back to who he knows who he is? Why is it dragging on when I know God could heal Ben right now! Why the waiting? It gets very frustating to know there is nothing else I can do for my man. It is human for us to want to fix things and then with my nursing back ground I want to even more!

I will say that in our waiting we have learned alot! Selfishly I am done learning things but spiritually I want more! In life I want more.
Waiting for me involves: expectations, hope, trust, positives, negatives, seeking, action, contentment (hard one), and so many other things. Who knew waiting could entail so much!

The promises from the Lord to those who wait on Him are amazing! He meets our needs according to His promise, He gives us our requests, peace, His faithfulness, His never ending love for us, rest (awwww), safety, satisfaction and the list goes on!
When we were driving up to post this morning for another appointment a song came on that I have heard before but not for quite some time...all about waiting!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

...this is what Ben and I will continue to do, wait on the Lord! I will thrive to be peaceful, faithful, worship, love and continue to care for the man whom God has given to me!

"Do any of the worthless idols of the nations cause rain to fall? Do the skies themselves send showers? Is it not you, O Lord our God, who does this? So we put our hopes in you because you alone do all this.” Jer. 14:22

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me: for You are the God of my salvation; on You do I wait all day." Psalm 25:4-5