not 100%...

"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41.10

So that last few days have not been my favorite but we are making it. Ben's been fighting something and I cannot put a finger on it! It started on Saturday when Ben was complaining of back pain. He NEVER complains of pain so this caught my attention and I kept my eye on Ben. We are at dinner at the time he aaid it and he kept readjusting in his chair. Earlier that day I noticed little changes and he was just more weak and not as full of energy.
Sunday we took the day off. We watched church online and the message was AMAZING and so for us! Pastor Jon talked about from mountain tops to suddenly...living with the ...'s that the Lord gives us. I encourage you to listen to it if you get a chance. You can watch it HERE!
Ben ended up taking two naps, which he never takes anymore these days, and just rested. Later that evening one of my sisters and her family came over to break in our new patio camp fire pit! Of course I prepared the grand meal of hot dogs and s"mores...who could resist!?! Have you ever put peanut butter on your s'smores...if not they are delic and a must try! 3 of my nieces spent the night becaust we had planned it a few days before. Ben was out of it so he went to bed early.

{we found some of ben's old army hats and had to take some tough face photos!}
Monday he woke up and had decent energy. He didn't sleep to well which meant I didn't either. He did have a dream though that he was walking and then running with our nieces ane he said he was doing it all on his own! He was doing some heavy breathing too! Ben perked up a bit after b-fast and then after awhile we went outside with the ladies and they helped me organized the garage! I love the help and we were all working off chocolate chip pancakes! After lunch Ben had OT. They started out by walking all over the backyard. I was out mowing the front lawn and I saw Ben and his OT coming towards me out of the corner of my eye. I turned off the mower and asked him what he was up to and he said, "we just came over to get in your way!" I should have made him start mowing then and there! I finished mowing the front (back is for a later day) and started weeding a bit. His OT came out and said they had worked on a few more things and that now Ben was on his recliner and pooped!
He was kind of out of it the rest of the day. Transfers were hard for him and another bad night of sleep with rapid breathing and half body sweats! I am still keeping my eye on him at this point.
Tuesday was a full morning for Ben. PT started at 0900...Ben started out tired and came home pooped! He actually almost fell off his walker seat but I was able to (all 190lbs of him) help him get in his chair. He did 1000 feet on the newstep and then 2 miles on the bike. He did amazing of course and worked up a sweat. I was signing us up at the Y when they were working out and now since I am a member I will be getting in gear too! I also stopped in to get a coffee...haven't started the workouts yet so I thought I would indulge! 3 shots for me to make up for 3 sleepless nights! Anyways, Ben came back exausted and he had his ST waiting for him. Not much work was done for Ben in the speech department but his ST was able to submit some information to get Ben's Ipad for free through a military program! She had to submit all his info regarding his condition and why he could use it. What a blessing that will be! After his therapists left for the day Ben actually apologized to me for letting them down and not working that hard! He said they came to help him and he couldn't perform like he should have! We had a talk about this and the fact that he has not been feeling well so it was going to be harder but not by any means did he not give his all!
After Ben's ST left Ben had some lunch and slept for almost 2 hours...i snuck a rest in too! He woke up to visit with my sis-in-law who came over with her kids for a bit. After that he again fell asleep for almost two hours!

I had to wake him up to eat and then shower before bed. He was actually quite alert during this time and was walking well so that made my heart happy.
While I was helping him shower tonight I had Pandora on. It started playing a song that really stuck out to me and I love it now!! I love how God can speak to us through song...



After his shower the praise music was still on and so we just stood holding each other and sang. I love being that close to my man and Ben just holding me! It cannot go on for long because his legs were tired but in those moments I soak it in for sure! As I was tucking him in I started crying (I know, again) and just told him that we were going to make it, God was going to see us through and we were going to get there. I also told him that I am trying to be strong for him, I am honored to be his wife, I love him so much and I am glad that he chose me to be his wife! He had some amazing words back and thanked me for being with him...special moments!

Anyways, so Ben is still not feeling 100%...there is something going on and I just cannot pin point it. Besides his back hurting on Sat he also complained of a throbbing head ache in the middle of his head, being tired and not feeling right. Thankfully he has no fever and it is not horrid but something is off kilter. I am going to take him on post to the aid station today to have him checked out. I will probably ask for a chest x-ray, labs and a UA. We shall see. Please be praying for us as we go. Be also be praying for rest. We both need some good sleep and because I not only have to worry about Ben but I also have to keep up with everything else in life (house, yard, cars, appointments, calls and all of life's other tasks!)

sayings of Ben...
Ben said before falling asleep last night, "i love you honey bunny!" He hasn't said this since the accident happened (it was a nickname for me) and it sounded amazing! Love that he still remembers and I am so grateful!